I know.  I started it. 

The Poke War

Back in March, I had a friend that would hit on girls.  He’d poke them.  I thought poking was the dumbest thing ever.  I had a few pokers.  I mostly ignored it.  I had some friends who I don’t really talk to anymore poke me from time to time just so they’d know they were thinking of me and a few random strangers would poke.  And Cara would poke.  Shit poked me hard and she poked me fast.  She just strapped her poke on and slammed me right up against the Face-wall.

So one day, I decided it would be absolutely fucking brilliant of me to start a poke war.  Bitches were gettin’ all up in my shit about me not poking them back so I said, “Let’s see what I’m made of.”

Considering the amount I was poked and the poking I gave back, I’m surprised I didn’t have an FB-STD after that day.

In eight hours, I poked a total of 39 people 402 times.

Cara won.  She strapped one on, bent be over and gave it to me 138 times.

You don’t believe me?  Click on that link there above.  It takes you right to the sheet.  Pokers and all.

There were the “one pokers”, who just had to get a taste.  We had the flirty “I’ll poke on my coffee breaks” and then we had “Cara“. Brandy, Felber and Brian tried their best but Cara popped herself some Viagra and had to call her doctor after several hours of use.

If I had my BlackBerry, I’d have doubled those numbers.  I kicked it old school.  I had to go to my home page and click “Poke” every single fucking time.

We will war again.  Oh yes, we will.

Only this time, Cara is setting the spreadsheet up so I know what I’m doing.  I fucked it all up and she had to fix it.

Since that fateful day in March, I get poked daily by no less than fifty different people.  Friends, strangers, creepy stalkers, Ramesh.

Now I know the next time the war is about to begin, I know I’ll be able to poke from anywhere.  I can poke from a car, I can poke from a far.  I can poke from the shitter and poke while I’m on Twitter.  Now that I have a BlackBerry, which is how I assume Cara managed to rail my face repeatedly against my wall, the next Poke War will be a doozie.

Especially now that I’ve hit the 1400K mark.

Give it to me, baby! Uh huh, uh huh!

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