Aug
08
2011

I Can’t Draw A Blank Because There Are Words In The Way

Plus we’re pretty so why would I want to leave this spot blank?

I just went to Permalink this post “Word-vomit” and it seems I already have one because it auto-linked it to “word-vomit-2″ so now I have to be all creative and shit so I’m calling it “suck-my-balls” because I feel like ASS.

She makes me look so tan.  I need to get outside.  I always dream of summertime and the pool and the sun and me looking hot and I am totally letting myself down.  I could be outside every day, I work nights but I’ve been sleeping because Boozilla tried to kill me.  I go to the hospital at two this afternoon to have more needles put in me and they’re going to just set my timer for longer.  I usually just hang out for twenty minutes, I’m waiting an hour this time.  I’m very happy they have a Chik-fil-a on the first floor because I still feel sick and I really want their chicken soup.  I feel sorry for everyone who doesn’t have Chik-fil-a (dad) because it’s AWESOME and between their chicken soup and all the needles poking me I should feel better.

Right?

Everyone at work is sneezing and I wish I had a shield.  I feel like my vegan vamp blood is supposed to make me impervious to illness but I forget that all it does is make me normal.  My doc said I’ll still catch a cold I just won’t catch pneumonia.  I feel like death.

Oh get this shit – my job doesn’t have primary insurance for servers, only secondary so by April 1st I need to find private insurance who will cover me because I can’t be on Ryan’s plan anymore.  I need advice here people.  Who should I go with and what the fuck am I supposed to do to afford it?  Did the Obama health law start yet?  Can I get denied?  I’d totally deny me I’m a mess.  I’m super duper scared that I’ll just have to stop everything abruptly and die.  That’s not even being dramatic, if I quit all the shit I was told I’ll have strokes and/or seizures and we don’t want that.  I already had enough with the seizure bullshit last summer.  That was a friggin’ nightmare.

Someone at work today didn’t want to complain about not feeling well in front of me.  That’s the second time someone has said that and it makes me feel like a dick.  They said compared to all the medical bullshit I go through they need like they have no right to complain but everyone has a right to complain, I do it all the time.  People think I’m all tough and shit.  I’m not tough.  You don’t have a choice.  I bitch when I hit a low (all this week) and then I suck it up, get my fix and deal with it.  There is no strength involved and people tell me they would give up and tell me I’m super strong and brave.  I’m not.  I’ve tried giving up before.  Shit, I’ve told you everything else I may as well tell you that too.  I’ve tried giving up I just suck at it.  I have a very high tolerance it seems.

So that’s it.  I had nothing to say today and now I know why.  All I did was ejaculate on my blog.  Gave it one giant rub down and splooged it right into your eyes.  Super sorry about that but hey, you’re the one reading it!

 

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Written by Julie Maloney in: depression

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