That’s the first time all three of my siblings and myself have been together in one location in ten years.  I love them.  My sister is my best friend.  It goes Sanrda, Mark (next to her), Chris (next to me) then I’m the baby.

Explains a lot, eh?

Well let me tell you about part deuce of my shitcation.

I flew back to Charlotte Tuesday evening after swimming in a vat of gravy and went about the tasks I had planned out.  Oh wait, no I didn’t.  I had to reschedule everything except the blood infusion because I was too exhausted to keep my head up.  I forgot that my new tiger blood was going to make me feel great UNTIL IT WEARS OFF before the new infusion.  Holy hell.  I literally couldn’t hold my head up.  I finally made it to Thursday and practically put the IV in myself then spent the rest of the day sleeping.

Up I go Friday to hop on a flight to head back to Syracuse.  I make it to JFK.  I love JetBlue.  I’m applying at JetBlue this afternoon because I’m losing patience with Momspective Airlines.  Why said “You’re hired” then follow with a “We just can’t tell you when” line?  Eh?  Hmm???

The JetBlue side of JFK is stunning.  The employees are happy.  I had a wannabe-airline employee boner on each flight I took.  I watched intently as the employees genuinely had a good time.  I started in the industry fourteen years ago, I know happy and they’re it.  I’m also hoping that this new focus of mine will kick Momspective Airways in the ass and say “We’re ready to see you now” before I go broke.  I make enough to live blogging but I don’t make bank.  That means I can pay my rent but pray my credit card can pay my groceries.

Back on point.  Great airline or no, I had a three hour delay on the second half of my flight.  I should have known the night was about to drop a giant deuce on my face because I went to get an ice cream and the employee scooping it out made it seem like she was lifting led weight and that serving me anything was like the worst imaginable torture around.  She’s rapidly speaking Spanish ABOUT ME to her co-worker and doesn’t seem to realize that I understand Spanish so I get my ice cream, say “Fuck you very much” and walk away.  There are a series of tweets and Facebook conversations on THAT experience.  Here’s my favorite-

I said-

Douchebag I don’t know said -

To which I replied -

I’m sure he had to type that in all CAPS because he was too busy jacking off because he likes being a dick to strangers.  That bugs the hell out of me.  Feel free to attack him on my behalf or just completely ignore him like the rest of Twitter does.

So I get home, get rushed out of the house lest my children hear my voice and decide they don’t want to go to bed after all and I go out.  I won’t get into details of the night because this would take FOREVER and I’m summing up 24 hours in one post but it involved me saying “Please don’t grab my ass it makes me uncomfortable” to about three people, “I’m sorry he’s trying to pick fights, I believe he’s mentally retarded” FOUR TIMES and “No.  I don’t want to show you my breasts” to just about everyone else.  I did not have a good time at Wallys.  I wanted to drink and see my friends.  I was stuck babysitting and being either pawed at or having my band insulted (I wore my RUSH shirt.  If you’re a dude who prefers ANYONE over RUSH you’re gay.  I’ll allow Zeppelin, Floyd, The Eagles or The Beatles unless you’re not into classic rock but to the guys who said they’d rather hear Paula Abdul – I used to find you attractive.  I don’t anymore).

Then a fight broke out.  I was too late to stop it but ended up in the middle of it.  I got punched.  I GOT PUNCHED.

Punched.

Had I not turned it’d have been my collarbone.  It was between my collarbone and my shoulder.  It’s green, red and yellow.  Looks like a class ring was involved because there’s a red went.  Happened to the same arm (right) that I had my blood infusion done in the day before.  It hurts down to my wrist, throughout my upper back and down my shoulder blade.  I went off with a verbal lashing like no other.  I wish so badly that I let my fury fly and just started swinging my arms but I put a stop to it by screaming “YOU JUST HIT A VERY TINY LITTLE GIRL AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!”

More was said.  I’m still pissed.  I’ll remain pissed.  Said fighters are blocked on Facebook.  THAT says something.

So I get back to mom’s, get to sleep and wake up for the drive home.  The first half wasn’t that bad.  Made it six hours without having to piss in a single parking lot.  Spent the night in a king bed together with my monsters and I got the Continental breakfast for us to eat in bed before leaving.  We got on the road and made good time until I hear “I FORGOT BEARY!”

Fucking super.  This teddy bear was mine before I gave it to Jake.  It’s over twenty years old.  There’s no way I’m giving up on that bear.  We lost two hours off the trip turning the easy-breezy six hour trip into an eight hour road trip from hell.  They screamed, they kicked – I could barely drown them out with my iPad and awesome headphones.  Believe me, I tried.  One wanted a certain CD, the other his iPod but his batteries died and I didn’t have the charger.  They had to pee every twenty minutes.  My little one figured out how to unbuckle the top part of his car seat so I had to keep pulling over and re-buckling it, tightening it hoping he wouldn’t be able to get his tiny devil fingers in it again.

At one point it started pouring so bad the road couldn’t be seen.  Cars were scattered everywhere.  I hit a puddle and flew off the road.  Yippie.  I had to sit there until the rain let up then I did the rolling thing until I finally got some ground and got back onto the street.  I had enough vengeful anger to put that bitch in neutral and push it out myself but once I got her out I decided to look in my glove box for a plug and I noticed that I didn’t forget my Xanex after all!  I had been going through hell all week just to find out I put it in my car.  Oh, happy day!

The moral of the story here folks is that you can’t travel.  If you do travel, don’t bring things.  If you bring things, pack everything and if you stay at a hotel to break up the 12-13 hour drive, don’t bring anything in with you.  Sleep in your clothes.  Leave all bears in the car.  Travel with sand or cat litter or a giant umbrella.  Don’t be tiny and get thrown into bar fights with very large men.  Fight back, you have a lot of pent up anger and frustration, why just use words to cut people down?  Bring out the fists of fury.

Ahhh….my quarterly shitcation.  Didn’t you miss them? I know I sure as shit didn’t!

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