Okay.  So I wrote this big old post and found it boring as hell and deleted it.  I put a call out on Facebook and told everyone to tell me what to write.  The first four people suggested -

1. Miss Julie said – “raises hand…I’m super interesting. Write about me!”
2. Larry Brauner said – “How about something you did over the weekend?”
3. Christi said – “When you were 17.”
4. Brandy said – “I think the weekend may be interesting .. or a funny thing that happened … ummm…”

Since all I really know about Julie is that she and I are going to stop shopping and start swapping clothes via mail, I can’t say too much about her, other than the fact that she and I must beer.

I actually wrote about what both Brandy and Larry suggested but it didn’t have the flow I was looking for and felt too forced, so I deleted it and asked what to write about henceforth (bringing that word back, people. Get on it) leading me to ask what to write about on Facebook.

I’ll end up mentioning my weekend tomorrow maybe.  It was random, just like Tuesdays are.

So Christi from Blah Blah Blog wins, and all four of them got linky love.

When I was 17…

When I was seventeen, I was a junior in high school.  I think I’m going to end up with a bunch of drug stories.  I always stayed away from my youth because drugs were a big part of them and I always felt that I should be ashamed but what the fuck?  I don’t do them now and the experiences I had testing my boundaries as a kid made me who I am today and fuck you if you don’t like me.  I do.

So right now to keep it short, I’ll give you my disclaimer.  Then from this point forward, I’ll open up my world up to you and start telling you some really funny fucking stories but I swear all all that is good in this world, if a single one of you gives me shit because I used to do drugs, I’ll call you out.  The things  I’ve done were my choices and are in the past.  I’ve lived, I’ve learned and I’ve loved.

I’m allowed to talk on my blog any way I want to.  My children can’t read this, wouldn’t care to read this and if it’s even around when they’re old enough and potentially interested in reading this, I’d have no problem with it because I was and am young, wild and free.  I’m raising them right – to the best of my ability.  They’re brilliant boys and they should know their mother well enough to know I’m batshit crazy and that I know how to tell a story.  I’m only saying this because I have been attacked in my comments before when I’ve talked about being Bipolar, getting  hammered or doing drugs, I just never approved them.

I’m Bipolar.  That doesn’t make me an unfit mother. I drink socially and have gotten black out drunk before but my children have never and will never see me drunk.  I smoke when I drink but my kids will never see me near a cigarette.  I’ve done drugs.  Lots of times.  If anything, it’ll make me a better mother because I guarantee my kids won’t slip anything past me.  I can tell who’s on what and how far into it they are just by looking at them so if my little angels think they’re going to rip tubes when they’re fifteen, they can think again.  I’ll know about it the second I see them.  I’ll find out where they got it and I’ll scare the piss out of the fuckers who gave it to them.  I take no issue with my kids experimenting, I just think it needs to wait until college.

If you are reading this and in any way think you are better than me, feel the need to judge me and wish to attack me know this – I could give a shit.  My readers should know me well enough by now to tell I’m not your average gal.  I’m sick of all the “Holier than thou” dick-wads out there who think they can judge me and say I should be ashamed of myself because they’re jealous and hateful.  I’m honest and forthcoming about who I am and if you want to get nasty, I doubble-dog fucking dare you because I’ll not only publish your comment, I’ll blog it and let everyone who loves me kick your ass, too.

I started doing drugs at fourteen and stopped before I had kids.  I stopped because as I got older, I got more paranoid.  I’m not good at doing drugs now.  I was then.  Seventeen is when all the fun really started.  I’m glad I’ve done what I’ve done because it opened my mind and soul up and has given me experiences that no one else could have had and as long as there are no douchetard attacks on me, I’m going to start telling you some kick ass stories. I’ll change all the names of those involved to protect their identity unless they piss me off – then you’ll get their name, DOB and social security number.

The picture at the top is me at my Junior Prom.  Considering it was 1994, I’d say I’m pretty fucking hot.  I actually think I’m better looking at 33 than I was at 17, which is awesome because until a month ago I wouldn’t have said that.

At seventeen, I was sunshine.  I was a famous writer locally (I actually have a section where I put some things I wrote when I was 17), I was as happy as any teenager can be and I had a SMOKING HOT boyfriend (and current ex-husband).  I can’t put his picture up because I don’t have his permission but holy hell, he could have been a model.

I sang in the school choir.  Soprano 1-A (meaning I hit Mariah Carey notes).  I went to singing competitions and sang at tree lighting ceremonies at Christmas and shit.  The trees were the only things getting lit though lol.  I skipped periods six through eight to go to my buddy’s house to take so many bong hits, smoke would pour out the window and we’d walk back to school eating Thin Mints just before English started (probably why I write so well).

I did acid for the first time when I was seventeen.  I didn’t do mushrooms until I was nineteen and Extacy until I was twenty.  I tried coke once and didn’t like it and have never put a needle to myself.  I pretty much just stuck to the hippie drugs – Pot, Acid, Mushrooms and E.  I didn’t even start drinking until I was in my mid twenties – I did everything else first.  I don’t do anything at all now besides what the doctor tells me to do and I’m fairly sure the binges I’ll write about, while hilarious and totally super cool and wicked awesome, were my way of self-medicating my Bipolar disorder.

Regardless of what I did, where I did them and why, I did them.  I’m glad I did, I have some funny shit I’ll be telling you over the months and I’m going to open myself up to you a lot more.  Get a little deeper inside Julie Maloney (shut up you perv).  I’ll give you a taste this week but I’m starting a new campaign soon that will dominate my blog for a bit but that will be totally super cool and awesome and when it’s over, we’ll get back to the nitty gritty.

So this really had nothing to do with me being seventeen.

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