Not relevant. I'm dancing. I just like the look on my face.

The other day I decided to head on over to my favorite bar to see friends. I feel that I need to mention I stopped drinking like seven weeks ago until my birthday and have only had a few since then. I also don’t typically drink during the day. I was just bored Sunday afternoon so I went to see Neal and Chris popped on by (Hi!). We got into a conversation that was a think piece. It really was. It was a great conversation and I had to leave so we had to stop it but it’ll resume the next time we get together. I was talking to Tim later that night and all I could say was that I was talking about “Stuff”. For some reason it was in my head and I had something forming but I didn’t know what or why.

I do now.

It’s about people. The core of who a person is. I’m not sure if I’m going to write this the right way but I’m going to write it anyway.

What Chris was saying was that he’s doing some work in an assisted living facility and through that work he’s been really learning a lot about people and who they are at their core. Some people are fucking assholes. Here’s the thing – I have friends who are assholes but they embrace it. They’re so good at it you just accept them for who they are. For some, it’s an endearing quality and for others they’re just total assholes and we tell them they’re assholes and they seem to know it but just don’t care. They’re also like herpes – they won’t go away.

Then there are those motherfuckers who act like they are the single greatest humans to ever walk the earth. They preach and chastise and make like they can do no wrong but if you read what they say you can see that they get off on being cruel to people in a way that makes them feel dignified.

Here’s what’s going to happen to you should you live long enough to have karma kick you right in the balls -

You’re going to get old and your mind is going to deteriorate. Your core self is all that’s going to be left. All that fake bullshit you put up for the world to see is going to dissolve into mist because you’re going to have absolutely no idea how to maintain that front. The racist or bigot or just all around fucktard in you is going to shine on through and you’ll be revealed for the piece of shit you really are.

I’m not saying this because I’m one of those people. You all know me. I’m so real people have lots and lots of problems with me. That’s what baffles me. WHY DO YOU READ ME IF I OFFEND YOU?

My *insert worship of choice*! Seriously, people! It’s not like I openly make fun of anyone!  I make fun of myself. I’m not mean. Get down to the core of me. I double dog dare you. I’m bipolar. If there’s a center in there somewhere I’d LOVE for you to find it. Why do people like to read into what someone is saying and chastise them for it? Seriously? This is why I refuse to watch the news. I won’t talk religion or politics because it’s an unending debate that I want no part of. What’s huge today will be wiped off the map in two weeks when a giant monsoon magically sweeps through Arizona. Crazy fucked up shit has been happening lately and people are just insane.  I thought I was crazy! The worst I do is post an awesomely hilarious picture of a great rack wearing a beautiful necklace with a hilarious face in the background and occasionally talk about having an orgasm when I pee. People buy magazines at grocery store checkouts with cleavage pictures and Kelvin Baines (see my post Tuesday, he’s not worth repeating) isn’t writing into them calling them “bimbos chasing exposure on FACEBOOK” (he might be writing them but I’m fairly sure the pages are stuck together and he can’t find the mailing address).

OF COURSE I’M CHASING EXPOSURE ON FACEBOOK YOU ASSHAT. I’M A FUCKING BLOGGER WHO USES SOCIAL MEDIA AS A TOOL TO DRIVE READERS TO MY SITE.

I have really high numbers, okay?  I get a lot of readers, have a solid amount of Facebook friends and a high Twitter following.  I don’t know why.  I use this blog as my outlet to say whatever the fuck I want because if I don’t I’ll die.  It’s my therapy.  I use Facebook and Twitter to do the same, be the comical PERSONALITY I’ve created in this blog and to talk to all of you.  Do any of you follow celebrities and leave them tweet after tweet only to be ignored?  I don’t do that to people.  If you leave me a comment, I’ll return it if you have a blog.  If you friend me or follow me and talk to me I’ll talk to you.  I’m not a celebrity but I’m moderately famous.  When I go to conventions people know me because I made my face my blog.  I’m known because I’m awesome but for fucks’ sake, I’m a sensitive lady!

So I beg of you, if you love me do so freely and as openly as I love you.  If you don’t feel free to continue reading me (because you’re jealous) and tell your friends how inappropriate I am because chances are they’ll LOVE me but don’t be such a dick.  Don’t act like you’re better than anyone because you’re not.  Why don’t you just TRY to take a leak in the shower?  You might love it.  I could change your life.  All I do is say what a lot of people think to themselves but know better to keep in.  That’s all.  “TMI” is wasted on me because we’re all people and at the core of me, when I’m in my 90′s whoring it up at the old folks home you’ll still find me giggling and making people laugh because I AM batshit crazy not and I do the same (sans the whoring it up, I’m saving that for the assisted living facility.  I plan on shaking things up around there.  And I mean with the employees, not the old dudes – wrinkles balls are gross) today.

I think I’ve made my point.  I’ve had a shit week.  No one noticed.  I CHOPPED A TREE IN HALF.  I wasn’t going to blast my blog but I think this is a good piece and while it’s serious, it’s also worth a laugh because we all know someone who is fake as hell and all you need to do is send them over here today because I have no problem saying “Get the fuck old already so you can throw feces on your Facebook wall.”

I’m going to take a nap.  Enter my giveaway.

Please.

Thank you.

I wonder what my therapist is going to think of this…

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