Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

I hate that feeling when you PLAN on getting up and 9 and leisurely lounge around the house, drinking coffee, letting the dog out and maybe cleaning up a bit but what actually happens it you open your eyes as you turn over and see it’s 11 and you jump out of bed, start brushing your teeth as you pee and rush down the stairs to make coffee, let the dog out, turn the computer on to work and look at the mess and think, “Yeah, that’ll have to wait.”

Give me songs.  Give me songs I know.  Popular songs to sing to.  I have a song list already, I sing some Eagles, some Alanis Morissette, Fugees and Dusty Springfield with the occasional Journey but most of us who sing karaoke regularly hate when people sing Journey.  We don’t want to hear “Sweet Caroline”, anything by Jimmy Buffet or the Piano Man. I need real songs I already know all the words to that are already popular in general, not generic stereotypical karaoke songs.  I think once I’ve had my fourth cup of coffee I’m going to listen to music.

Twice this week I forgot to pee in the shower.

I have no idea why, but people are trying to start fights where fights shouldn’t be started and F.Y.I., it’s not kosher to try to fuck up someone’s world.

I have this great pool I go to.  I’m glad I chose not to pee in it because when I went in the bathroom (hate pool bathrooms, ew), it was super yellow.  Not that I pee in pools, I usually prefer lakes and oceans.  It’s just what I thought while I was peeing yesterday.

Okay, so you need to listen to my radio show.  Even better, register with Blog Talk Radio and join the chat room.  What it’s become is a “Let’s start Julie off sober and listen as she gets hammered because of the ‘Awesome’ drinking game”. That link takes you to my show page.  Last week’s “Let’s Give Them Something To Talk About” actually did just that.  It was only 30 minutes long and the rules of the game are anytime I say “Awesome”, everyone drinks.  Doesn’t matter what.  Water, beer, shots.  Whatever. So I decide to kill a bottle of schnapps thinking it’s a 30 minute show nad I couldn’t possibly say “Awesome” enough to get hammered. WRONG.

My father, whom I absolutely adore somehow got me to say “Awesome” enough to kill half a bottle so that in just thirty minutes, I went from speaking to slurring.  If you’re there live, you can be in the chat room and basically understand what I’m saying but listening to the archived version is almost funnier because I read what some people say out loud.

I love tweezers.

The show ends after the 30 minutes I scheduled and everyone’s having so much fun in the chat room, I close with “Let’s all meet on my Facebook page and go balls out!” and we did.  For about 3 hours, we dominated Facebook.  I lost nine friends.  The following day I gained five other ones and I don’t usually pay attention to numbers but I posted how many I have and I was wondering how many I’d lose. I lost nine.

This Week’s Johnsonville GRILLVILLE Secret Code Word is BRATS.

Basically, I got tanked and we just talked about how much I love everyone.  I have extended the show to 45 minutes for my upcoming show this Thursday and would LOVE if you would all be there.  I’m switching to beer so I don’t black out.

I’m also hosting a Wii Mommies special on July 20th at 2:00PM EST.  It will be an hour long.  No swearing.  This hour long special will include highlights about the Wii Summer Games, interviews from individuals who have lost weight using the Wii and at 2:30PM EST, for my interview with Dr. Barry Sears, the creator of the groundbreaking Zone Diet and the author of The New York Times bestseller, The Zone.

I went out to a birthday party Saturday.  I don’t drink when I go out.  I go out to sing.  I love my friends, singing and the taste of water.  If I drink, I cut myself off after three.  The few times I’ve actually passed my set limits *Ahem, Radio show* I make a total ass of myself, so I’m not really having that anymore.

I wore a cami tank top.  The kind that has the bra built in.  Since I’ve gotten skinny, my boobies are tiny.  The problem is that since I had a reduction (I went from I to D and they’ve taken themselves to a C), I look like I’m freezing all the time.  Those puppies are as perky as can be.  I’ve tried everything.  Last week I shit you not, I wore duct tape, a sticker and two bandaids and that pretty much seemed to do the trick.  Since I’m me, I of course told everyone that’s what I did.

I also am so thin now that my old skirts from last summer are too big so I wanted a safety pin to re-size it so it’s not falling off.  I don’t have a safety pin that I know of, so I ran to the store where the employees also didn’t have any safety pins that they knew of.

I bought a mini-stapler and yes, I stapled my skirt.  Told everyone that too.

This is long enough. I babble daily but this is my favorite day.  Go to Random Central and get’cho groove on.

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