Jun
30
2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts – They Can Try To Kill Me, But They Can’t Kill My Sense Of Humor

randomtuesday

My veins have decided to play “fuck the needle” and make finding a vein impossible to IV me.  I’ve had 3 IV’s and no shit, about 10 needle pokes to both arms.  They finally had to pull in the big guns over at anesthesia into my room.  I told them to make a race of it and see who can tread a vein first and they each took an arm.

Then I said, “Why don’t you guys knock me out and poke me, that’s what I told my husband to do on our first date and it worked for him.”

Sha-zam!

Let me tell you what, someone, somewhere is paying my house off for me.  How do I go in for a one night stay hysterectomy and end up near death with pneumonia with blood transfusions?

Thank you, Twitter.  I started tweeting before the operation started and tweeted through the neglect and tweeted when I was conscious.    Thanks to all my friends, who emailed, IM’d, Facebooked and Tweeted right back to me.  I plan on generating a giant thank you post and thank you all that way soon.  Right now, I’m 2 finger typing because I have a heart monitor on one hand and an IV in another.

Jenn, next time I see you I’m making out with you.  With tongue.  Just saying.

I got up out of bed and smelled something awful,  then realized it was me.  My husband came with a goodie bag of toiletries for me but forgot a few very important staples-underwear, deodorant and a razor.

Holy matrimony, even with a sponge bath, I smell.  I am that smell you smell when you walk into a hospital, so go easy on them next time you’re in there because you never know when it’s going to be you.

I smell so bad, I could give the lesbian hippie college girls a desire to spray febreeze.  My pee smells like my grandmother’s kitchen.

It’s quite something when the highlight of your week is pooping.  When you start calling your friends and high-fiving your husband because you managed to squeeze a nugget out, you can pretty much chalk that up to a bad week.

I’ll be getting out of here soon and will be ready to party like a rock star at Blogher.  I’ll be there with the Wii Mommies and EA SPORTS Active and details for our party will be revealed soon.  Ladies, if I’m hosting it, you know it’ll be good.  I’m just sayin’.

If you think you’d like an invite to this Friday night soiree, you just drop me a line and let me know and I’ll see what I can do to get you on the list.  Yeah.  I’m that cool.

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Written by Julie Maloney in: Uncategorized

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