Random Tuesday Thoughts-Vibrators, Tornados and Cotinkulation
Ass. Assy ass ass ass.
Assity ass.
Don’t read this if you are a) related to me b) offended easily or c) being made fun of in this post.
I needed a vacation. I travel all the time but I run to visit family or talk shop, so when the hubs gave the go ahead for me to pop on over to Kansas to visit Jenn, I was stoked.
Want a taste of random? Lick your screen over at The Un Mom. She”s tasty.
Did you know when two women pee together, the way we women do, it’s called “Cotinkulation”? I WISH I came up with that one, but sadly I did not.
Back to Jenn, this girl is AMAZING. First of all, she’s beautiful. Her house is comfy and her kids are super cute and not even remotely annoying. Not one bit (to me anyway, she might fight me on that one).
I overheard a woman very exuberantly tell the waitstaff at a restaurant that she admires their profession and that she bets she’d really enjoy “servicing people” like they do. I was the only one who bust out laughing.
I typically find it hard to hang out with children I didn’t give birth to because, well, kids are a pain in the ass. I have to deal with 2 of my own every day, so I typically don’t consider a “vacation” involving crashing a family of 4.5 but I loved every second of my time in Kansas and I WILL be back to welcome Julie Jr. in November.
I hate when an auto toilet flushes before I’m done peeing.
Time got extended when my flight out canceled due to a mechanical. The beauty of a mechanical is that the airline is obligated to put you up in a hotel, feed you and put you out on any flight you want. Weather or ATC? Forget about it. Mechanical’s are where it’s at.
Thanks to some associates who live in the area and were kind enough to accompany me to dinner in KC. Makes being stranded in an unfamiliar place be less shitty.
Glad I didn’t get blown away by a tornado but airport security took my souvenir tornado’s away from me. At least they let me keep my arsenal of vibrators, lotions and other assorted goodies Jenn gave me to take home. She used to sell happy fun toys and had a ton of leftovers, so she put together a gift pack for me to take home with me (my husband thanks you!).
I overheard two women marveling at an electric hand dryer in a bathroom the other day. One of them had NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE. They took turns turning it on and off by putting their hands under it. I would have peed myself had I not already peed in the toilet that auto-flushed all over my ass.
So I walk through security, knowing I have what looks like a weapon in my bag. The rabbit. If you don’t know what it is, don’t look it up. If you do, you can imagine the TSA guys face when he said “Ma’am, I need to take a look in your bag please” and found that puppy. I was slightly embarrassed but it was worth it to make up for the hundreds of checkpoints I’ve been to that have taken my terrorist fries and random other assorted shit away from me.
Okay, I have about 50 comments to approve and return (I won’t approve a comment until I return it first, it’s a thing) then I get to climb on over to the other side of security to my gate here and watch as they check to see how many ounces my chocolate body paint is so I can keep it in my carry on.
My new friend needs a name. Think I’ll call him Earl.
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Happy RTT, what a check point?
Mr. Linky effing sucks over here too, eh?
Those ladies probably would’ve had a heart attack if they’d seen one of those automatic paper towel dispensers. Just think… they’d be walking by and ‘whirrrrrr’ they get a paper towel. It might have been worth video, but then you would have been arrested for some kind of sexual predatorial act.
But maybe Earl could’ve been the one to arrest you and then you wouldn’t have had to worry about carrying on the chocolate paint… *wink, wink*
Hi Julie.
Pretty sad when you get excited over a hand dryer…..
Now, those auto-flushing toilets can be exciting if you are actually finished when they flush.
well no need to return my comment as I haven’t written anything yet! This made me laugh and I really needed it. It may have prevented me from putting my head through a wall, thereby losing my job most likely, and possibly even saved me from a trip to the looney bin. (well a saved trip for now)
Glad you had fun on your trip. I personally was never a fan of the rabbit… too much going on for me. I will however take a bullet!
I haven’t been brave enough to go through security with anything like that in my purse. Checked baggage, yes. Purse, no. Haha.
I love your post today!! I almost peed myself reading it in the carpool line…. Earl… wow – that’s hilarious.
Oh my friend this is an absolutely fabulous post!!! It is as random as my thoughts generally are but somehow mine make it to the “paper” much less interesting..ly. (is that a word?)
We had a MARVY time with you here…I’m so glad you enjoyed yourself…got a little nervous when you started your post with “don’t read this if I’m making fun of you” OH SHIT…I KNOW IT WAS THE COTINKULATION
Brendan is sad, still. I’m going to pee my pants from laughing…because I just can’t comprehend this!!
Would LOVE to see airports face when they see what we sent home with you.
I traveled enough when I sold the stuff that I have a general idea..
You are on a plane now. Makes me sad. I will see you at BlogHer in SIX WEEKS!! I’m so excited. And while I love my kids…and my kids love you…I will be VERY happy to NOT have them with me the next time we meet!
Julie Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:16 am
I love your freaking face.
That was funny! I know what the rabbit is and it is fun. –LOL –
Earl is good! Glad you enjoyed your trip. I too hate those toilets that flush while you are going. Kinda ruins it.
Julie, I do think is your BESTEST post yet!
I think you should call your new friend Bugs since he is a bunny.
Wow, your vacation sounds lovely. I need one soon too, I’ll be over any day now.
Like you, I hate automatic toilets flushing too, especially if you’re still hovering and the toilet is a splasher.
Your post almost made me spit my diet pepsi all over my laptop! I can just imagine going thru airport security with that in your bag! Glad you had a good vacation.
LOL Julie.. I was cracking up through this whole post. No wonder I like you so much hehe. Glad you had a great time and are back home safely!
lmfao!!!
LOL This is why I love you and your blog!
Continkulation is an awesome word, I’m going to tweet it! LOL
I know what you mean Julie, although I don’t have a hard time getting along with kids, just as long as they’re in a good mood, but kids ARE a pain in the ass, and I have 2 of my own who has given me 3 grey hairs, and am only 25, and I have 3 grey hairs!!
OMG, I knew of the rabbit, but I wasn’t sure if you meant the rabbit, so I googled it and there, I was right.. LOL Awesome pictures of it on google, there’s a pink and purple one..
I have never had a vibrator, but I want one.. LOL just for, umm, er, display? or as a collection.. LMAO My husband tried to buy me one before, but then it was defective and had to be returned.. LMAO
Happy Tuesday, (Wednesday here) Julie!
:*
Julie Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:05 am
Oh my, this comment is a side of you I didn’t know about! *gasp* I love it!
I love your stories. You make me smile and laugh daily. Seems like if I knew you in “REAL” life we would be great friends. Thank you for your blogs.. Nice to know there are other MOMS who go through the same stuff daily. (you should read some of my daughters blogs on the life of her 3 year old. LMAO. too funny. ANYways… Many happy returns with your friends EARL. (giggling) have a great night.
Girl I think these post are my favorite. I love to read your randomness. WOOO HOOO on the great trip.
Thanks. I totally (almost) peed myself laughing, and I’m grateful for no autoflushes in my house.
I don’t think I could do an “Earl”. I dunno… maybe a “Stallion” or something….
AHAHAHAHA! Your randomness is priceless!
“Continkulation” – wish I would have thought of that, too!
Looking forward to reading more about your trip to visit Jenn – she seriously used to sell ‘happy toys’? I never would’ve guessed anything like that…love it!
I would have bust out laughing, too…
That stinks that security took your tornado souvenirs from you – Princess Nagger has one, and I can’t imagine they’d be a ‘threat’…sure, they have fluid in them, but it’s not like they can be unsealed…hmph! And you had me ROTLFMAO with security having to check your bag because of your rabbit weapon…I’m still giggling like a school girl over that one…
Happy RTT a day late!
Man I too find it hard to be around kids that aren’t mine. I was just telling my husband that I don’t do well with multiple kids it drives me crazy. Man I had some other stuff to say but by the time I read all the other comments I forgot it. I’m sorry!
haha and I thought for sure you’d think I was a loony and not approve my comment.. LOL
‘m just sittin here bored, eating air heads while my kids sleep. I really should be doing something useful and rewarding from this small minute break. But what?Then it came to me.. Blog.. yes blog. Here’s SOME Of my day, alot more realllllllly happend, but I don’t write to entertain for free.
So… my 6 month old don’t like peas. But he gets down with that soul food…. He will eat a whole jar of sweet potatoes, just like his big sis. I actually contemplated putting fried chicken in the blender with some collard greens today since I ran out of sweet potatoes and only had peas. Hince… now I know he don’t like peas. But I will continue to push it on him.
Gentry got into his gerber cereal and poured it all over the living room floor, her bed and toys. I almost choked from trying to hide laughing and almost screaming in histerics.
Sometimes I don’t know what to do. I just stand there while that sweet lil innocent face tries to read my face. Not knowing if she should run and hide, start on the spot crying (actress in the making), or laughing. I stood there for I don’t know how long trying to decide what to do. I then got angry, went to shout then started laughing. So, she started laughing. I choked, and looked her dead in the eye and she stopped laughing and started crying. Then, she was saved by the bell. Genoah started crying that instant. I turned to get him, she ran and hid under the crib. So, no spanking, no yelling, no laughing. I did, however, made her vacuum up the mess. Which is a pretty awful punishment considering she is TERRIFIED of the vaccuum cleaner. I don’t think she will be doing it again anytime soon.
I was partially wrong. 2 hours later… Instead of it being cereal it was applesauce, and instead of the floor, her bed and toys…. it’s was her brothers head.
That’s another story….but now I know.. Genoah likes applesauce.
Wish larry was here to help. Stupid head had to go to Killeen.
Can’t stop laughing over the fact that you named it EARL! Earl? Earl! That is hysterical……..
Ummmmmmmmm, have fun with all that!
Whoa, that was so random, I got lost in there and almost couldn’t find my way back out. I think next time you do Random, please provide a road map.
And in case no one’s mentioned it already, girl, you need a show of your own…I mean a live, for-real television show!
Good thing I didn’t read this, ’cause we’re related.
Oooo!! My Gravatar is working again!