Sing it with me now – “Christmas fucking ruuuled!”

Dude.

It so did.

I got up at seven and went to see the two most handsome, well behaved children on the planet.

“Hello mother, how are you? May we please open up our gifts now? Yes?  OH! We each got an iPod touch from Santa!  And wow!  We got just about everything on our Christmas lists and MORE!  Let’s be total dicks now!”

That’s my day in a nutshell.  I spent it with Ry, his dad and the kids and they went from awesome to MISERABLE in just hours.  The days of going to bed late and watching Santa on radar until midnight caught up with them and they decided to shit on everything right in the middle of Denny’s.  We made going there our tradition last year mainly because we didn’t have anything to eat for breakfast and it’s the only place that’s open.

Josh took a two and of course touched the toilet seat while he was sitting there and then put his hands on the floor as I wiped his ass and he had the audacity to get pissed at me for holding his hands away from his mouth, where he wanted them to be until I washed them.  Then we got back to the table and he did the full-on body melt to the floor and promptly got himself a nap when he got back.

I took one as well.

Pillow Pets rule.  Each of my kids got two of them.

After dinner I went to work where I proceeded to get a $100 cash tip on a $230 bill.

I’m awesome.

I didn’t get to sing.

Tingley came out though and he was a rock star.  Everyone there went balls over him and someone stopped him as I was waiting on them and said he was the best in the place and it should be a show centered around him.  It happened to be my $100 table so if he had anything to do with them being in awesome moods thanks dude.  You are appreciated.

People got wicked super drunk and some were cut off.  There was an annoying bitch who got up and sang with EVERY SINGLE PERSON who went up to sing karaoke.  We couldn’t move her.  Tingley tried hooking the drunkest guy in the bar up with her and almost succeeded in the most hilarious way possible.  I’ll recant as best I can -

“Dude. you’ve gotta hook up with that girl.  You live with your mom?  That’s okay!  Fuck her in your car.  You don’t have a car?  Just take her over to a bench around the corner!  Come on, do it man!”

That was the one-sided summary of what happened.  I was laughing my ass off.  Of course Tingley knew our KJ Irish and now is obligated to return every Sunday because a lot of random shit happens and it’s always on my Sunday nights.

My skin is shit and I lost my tweezers.

This post isn’t so much random but it was a very random Christmas.  I got to enjoy my family, escape just before the bedtime meltdown finale and head to work where I took care of more children, only the kind with money to tip me and I poured shots down their throats and made my paycheck.  Sunday’s are my best days.  I always close and it’s ALWAYS crazy.  Usually some drunk chick falls over.  It’s like my favorite bar Lucky’s only bigger and I work there.

I think that’s all the random I have.  I still need black socks.

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