What Kind Of Parent Did You Think You’d Be?
I didn’t think I’d ever be able to have children, no one did. Since I was 14 years old, I’ve had lady part issues that eventually led to my recent hysterectomy.
I’ve been through fake (medically induced) menopause twice and now I’m going through the real thing. I’m 32 and so assume I will be for the next 30 years.
I was told at 18 I would never have children. In fact, they wanted to take my parts out then but my mother refused to let them. Maybe it was because I thought it’d never be possible, but from that point on it was my dream to be a mother someday.
I remember walking through the mall and seeing a baby crying with his parents in Burger King. I found myself stopped outside the window next to where they sat and locked eyes with the baby. The parents didn’t even notice me, since they were annoyed and frantic and I just stood there (probably like a stalker but I was young and cute) and I smiled at this baby.
A few moments later, the baby smiled back. His mother then looked up, surprised and saw me. She smiled and mouthed “Thank You” and the feeling of joy and satisfaction stayed with me all this time.
Every child I saw, I loved. Every pregnant woman I came across I was jealous of. I wasn’t one of those people who ran up to strangers to grab their belly, but I always made it a point to tell them they looked absolutely beautiful, because every pregnant woman needs to know she is.
I’d see a frustrated mother out in public scolding her children and I’d think, “That would never happen to me. My love alone would keep them behaved”. I’d hear parents complain about the amount of talking their toddler does and the incessant questions they ask about the world and told myself if I could possibly have a kid, I’d answer them every time. If I didn’t know the answer, I’d Google it and we’d learn it together.
I assumed love was all you needed to make a child behave.
Boy, was I wrong!
I am now a mother of two boys. I won’t be having anymore children since I absolutely can’t anyway, but to be honest, I just don’t want any more. I hated being pregnant, even though I assumed I’d love it (although before the morning sickness kicked in, I’d walk around the mall holding my back like I was in my 9th month even though I wasn’t showing).
Of course, it all started off the way I imagined. One kid is a breeze compared to two and to all of you with more than that, I commend you. I love my kids unconditionally and started off doing what I said I’d do. Of course, my first didn’t really start asking questions until he was about 2 or 3 and I was pregnant with my 2nd at that time, so I wasn’t prepared for the constant why’s I’d be getting, and boy does that kid ask that A LOT.
My children are now 4 & 20 months and I’m going to just go ahead and say it. They are annoying as hell and massive pains in the ass. My 4 year old is a con artist who can talk candy out of anyone except me and wants to know every detail of everything in life. He’s a sweet boy but a massive repeater and if he’s answered to his satisfaction, he’ll repeat the same question until he is – even if it takes an hour.
My 20 month old is a relentless psychotic. Totally the opposite of his brother, his greatest joys in life include torturing animals, doing kamikaze’s off the couch and stealing (and breaking) electronics. Add to that the fact that I am a Work At Home Mom, so there’s that little extra stress in life.
I scold my kids in public, I don’t always Google the answers (but when I do, I read the answer as-is because I don’t talk to my kids as kids, my son wants the complicated answer. That way, he can pull an additional question from there).
I yell, I cry, I lock myself in a room. I’m hiding in the bathroom writing this right now because the sound of their voices keeps distracting me and I just need a moment to myself. Sometimes I feel inadequate, but then I see how happy and healthy they are and when I can, I try to take the time to really be the mother I want to be.
I want to know if this happened to any of you. What kind of parent did you think you’d be? What did you expect? What’s it REALLY like? I need to know I’m not alone!
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LMAO!!! Ellie has a way of getting a lollipop out of her teacher ever week! STOP giving my daughter candy before nap time! ARGH! Then there’s the constant talking! “Mom, where are we go?” Me “Home” Her “How?” Me “Driving” Her “How does the Car drive?” and on and on and on!
I need a nap just thinking about it!
.-= Theresa´s last blog ..Thank You Geppettos! =-.
One word Julie…BURNOUT!!! Yes when I get to that point…I am the eact way you just described!
{{{HUGS}}}
.-= Trish @IamSucceeding´s last blog ..Need To Eat More =-.
You just described my two kids perfectly. My first daughter who will be 5 in March is the same way as your oldest – she asks questions ALL the time and they are often the same ones. My second daughter just turned 3 in August and just gets into EVERYTHING – she is very different than my first. I don’t always enjoy being a mom either although I love my girls with everything I have. It is way harder than I ever imagined but wouldn’t trade it for the world!
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Our Christmas Tree =-.
As someone who is not planning to have children, I find your honest assesment of the PIA factor refreshing.
.-= Life With Dogs´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday 45 =-.
I never thought much about parenting or what kind of parent I’d be. I just figured I’d do it.
My kids are now 7 and 9. It DOES get easier. And you’ll find people who answer your oldest’s incessant questions, too. With that sort of attitude, don’t be surprised if he gets tagged as Gifted.
Hang in there. You’re completely normal. Believe it or not.
.-= Susan Helene Gottfried´s last blog ..Thursday Thirteen: The Achy Edition =-.
I know how that photo looks, but I am NOT the husband.
As for what kind of parent I was/am:
Julie: “Daddy, why is my picture on that milk carton?”
Me: “Well, Julie, I guess it’s time that I told you the truth. You were adopted… from a dairy.”
.-= Dr. B.´s last blog ..SANTA INJURED IN MYSTERIOUS NORTH POLE SLEIGH ACCIDENT (ANY RESEMBLANCE TO TIGER WOODS IS PURELY SATIRICAL) =-.
I’m laughing over here, well, mainly because I’ve been through it. It’s so true…I wanted to be a mom more than anything, then the reality arrives and it ain’t always easy! So many times I just wished for the world to stop for a few minutes. It really does get easier, than hard again, then easier.
.-= Buggys´s last blog ..Gift Shopping Help Is Here! =-.
Mrs Clause and I never thought of having kids! Merry Christmas!
.-= santa claus´s last blog ..Enjoy the Magic of Christmas with Santa’s Letter Blog =-.
I wanted to be a mother so badly that I finally adopted as a single parent, at 33, because Mr. Right hasn’t shown up yet. I love my son to the stars and back but some days I’d like to let him go sleep outside with his dog!
He’ll be two, in January, doesn’t speak yet but I am still inundated with CONSTANT questions! Matthew: Uh! Me: That’s a yellow bus. Matthew: Uh! Me: That’s your bus. It’s yellow. Matthew: Uh! It’s your bus, Matthew.
I completely dread and look forward to the whys.
Granola Crunchie,
.-= kyooty´s last blog ..First "storm" of the Season =-.
Honestly, I never actually wanted kids growing up, so I never pictured myself as a parent. But, now that I am, I can say that I am a grumpy, sarcastic parent who loves her kids to the ends of the universe…and I’m sure you are the same, even as they’re driving you nuts.
.-= Teresa´s last blog ..Random Tuesday fact and thoughts, plus Chocolate Pecan Kisses =-.
Once again, you have caused me to laugh hysterically!
).
You are so NOT alone!!!!
I have hormonal issues (autoimmune hypothyroidism), and there was definitely the potential of me not having kids. Luckily, I have been blessed with two beautiful children and am done, as well.
My daughter is almost 5, my son almost 3.
I really do understand everything you have explained! I have to hide in the bathroom for a moments peace, on occasion, too (and yell, and cry sometimes)!
I always figured being a parent would be hard. I didn’t expect the frustration level that can go along with it (such as the same question being asked for the millionth f’ing time in ten minutes
I also didn’t realize how easy it would be to ‘lose myself’, while taking care of everyone else. I continue to work on that one, and the more ‘me’ I take back, the better and happier Mommy, I become.
Cheers to frustrated parents, everywhere!
Wendy
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Just got paid! =-.
I honestly didn’t give much thought to it. I assumed I”d just know how, because my parents were such great parents themselves. Obviously it’s ingrained in me, right?
Yeah, I’m finding out that it’s a lot more work and focus than I ever thought it would be.
I found parenting to be as easy as sticking candy to a baby.
Julie you are totally not alone! I thought for some reason that disciplining a toddler would be easy, but then I got a wake up call. I thought the newborn baby part was hard until my first born became a toddler. He is 26 months as of yesterday and he already tells me what to do, what he likes and doesn’t like and he’s always asking who’s that, what’s that over and over and over until I’m looking for the balcony door to jump off! And you’re right, having two is a whole different story and I love them with all of my being but some days I just have no patience for them, and I feel like a bad mother, but it is good to know I’m not the only one!
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Fitness Friday – Motivation: Where does it come from and how do you keep it? =-.
I think everyone has their ideals… I thought that everything would be a cinch myself. Emma is 19 months now and sometimes I find myself losing my patience and I tell myself, “Are you taking something out on her?” – lol. I thought I was supposed to be perfect! Not happening, though. I really want another baby but I’m not sure I’ll be able to have one. I hope. Anyway, I have endometriosis, too… getting pregnant has helped it. I’m hoping it’ll stay gone, but you really never know. I’m 26, by the way. My question… how will I blog with two kids? lol
And I know, those voices are REALLY distracting. What is worse is that I take a nap when Emma takes a nap, so I don’t even have enough stinking energy to stay up and blog while she’s asleep. When I wake up, she wakes up – she has radar and I hate it. lol
Despite this, I love her to distraction!
Just another crazy mom…
.-= Lindsey@A Kindred Spirits’ Thoughts´s last blog ..How Do You Make Christmas Magical? =-.
Your kids are still so young, you’re really in the depths of the parenting trenches right now. Hang in there, try to find at least 15 minutes a day to do something just for you, and keep repeating to yourself that it DOES get easier eventually.
.-= Robin from Israel´s last blog ..Happy Hannukah =-.
lol, I assumed that “mommy instincts” would kick in and that I’d always know exactly the right thing to do when it came to my kids.
uh, yeah… not exactly. (please tell me I’m not the only one who doesn’t always know just the right thing to do in every situation?!) Sure, we figure things out along the way, but there’s a lot of trial and error involved.
I love my children dearly, but I admit that sometimes I hide in the bathroom or closet for just a few minutes to be able to actually hear myself think, never thought I’d do that. Never expected to have to settle an “argument” between my twins about whose poop it was in the toilet and therefore who got to flush it. I don’t always google the answers to my kids’ questions either, but I have done it a few times, including a search for the purpose of boogers (I’d have been ok not knowing that one, lol).
.-= Danette´s last blog ..Getting ready for Christmas (lots of pics!) =-.
I have a new item on my wish list. It is to meet you one day. We are SO freaking one in the same (okay, I was never old that I couldn’t have kids, but the parenting styles and the delusional thoughts of how we would parent are the same!) Would that not be awesome to get together with some sushi and some fun? We could make fun of each other all night, and maybe laugh off a pound or two.
.-= Frugal Vicki´s last blog ..It is time to get real. =-.
I was a really young mom (got pregnant at 16) and realized quickly that babies aren’t like playing dolls LOL
I think we all fall short of the expectations we have of ourselves daily but just like you said, we are raising happy, healthy kids so how far off the mark can we be? And your youngest is not psychotic hon..he is ALL boy (I have three, I should know
.-= Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog ..I am not a scrooge… =-.
What Kind Of Parent Are You? %url& http://www.momspective.com/parent/
Oh, can I relate! I love my kids dearly, but they suck the life out of me. I always thought I’d be the perfect parent (My kids will never act like that in public!), that I’d have all the answers, and that my kids would respectfully obey my every wish because of their great love for me. Boy, was I in for a nasty surprise! The only reason I’ve made it through so far is that my parents take my kids very frequently and the youngest has been staying with them for 2 weeks now. When both kids are home the fighting is so bad I don’t think I’ll make it another day. Mommyhood did not turn out as I expected at all. So, yeah, I can relate.
Hang in there. Someday they’ll move out.
That is so funny, it sounds like us.
Whenever we are going somewhere different that they don’t recognize and they ask where we going. I tell them I am dumping them off at the orphanage. But they finally caught on and tell me I am lying.
.-= Sharon´s last blog ..Get Your Masters =-.
Oh my gosh that made me laugh and cry, the best combination. I thought, just like you, that I would never get angry at my kids and they would never give me reason because I would love them so much they would never be unhappy.
We got pregnant really fast with our first (now 10),I had a great pregnancy and he was a super easy baby and toddler, I got stressed but not too bad.
It then took us 5 years and a miscarriage to have our 2nd. It was a horrible pregnancy and if he ahd been my first he would have been my only one. I love them to pieces but sometimes I scream and then I feel bad and we (the 5yr old & me) both cry.
Then I take a deep breathe and try to be the mom I want to be, happy and just loving them.
.-= Julia @ Easy Eco To Go´s last blog ..Pump Up The Volume With TerraCycle – Giveaway =-.
Wonderful post there. I never thought I’d have kids myself – but life happens, I guess?
My two boys are now 6 and 8 and while I love them to bits, it’s enough for me too. I love having my night time back to myself and being able to help with raising my little nephew who lives next-door to us. Yeah, babies are super cute, but it’s so much fun being able to give him back to his Mommy after baby sitting and getting back to my own stuff
.-= Anne from Most-Amazing´s last blog ..The Amazing Killer Fungi =-.
This is a WONDERFUL post! First I want to say how awesome it is that you ended up having 2 kids. Yes they are at that FUN age right now, but we all know that us Mom’s would NEVER take back having our little monsters. The other thing is that I can relate to your madness so well! Before having kids I remember watching other parents yell at their children in the grocery store because their toddler is screaming and throwing a huge fit. I remember thinking that my kid would NEVER even throw a fit like that b/c I would be all over disciplining them the “right way” (no clue what the “right way” was to me at that time, I just knew that she was doing it wrong). Now that I’m a Mom of an almost 3yr old… I understand now that sometimes those fits are extremely hard to keep under control. There’s no way that you are alone here. Most days I have to get away from the loudness for a little bit and have quite me time. I love my kids very much, but they sure do know how to get under my skin sometimes.
.-= Shandal´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts – Bday, Hangover, Play-date, 9months, Morons, S-Pop =-.