So I have rules.  I guess we all have rules we live by but I’m starting to think rules are stupid.  We only live one time (unless you believe in reincarnation in which case I’ll probably return as a jackalope) and all I ever hear about are “Bucket lists” or “Life lists”.  Yeah, I don’t do that.  I’ve decided to make a “Fuck It List”.

The reason I’m doing so is because some of the things I think I’m going to mention I’ve already done.  The reason I say “I think I’m going to” is because I never have any idea what I’m going to write.  My mind goes blank and another part of me takes over so when I proof my posts I’m usually finding out what I’ve said for the first time.  I don’t really read me that often, I think I’m boring.

So back to my ‘fuck it’ list.  I had two rules I always said I’ve live by.  I’d A) never date anyone my nephew’s age (23 1/2) and B) Never date a guest at work.

Fuck it.

I’ve never dated period.  I went from one long-term relationship to another and I just pulled those rules out of my ass because they sounded good.  I’ve decided it’s high time I start having a good time.  I recently went out with a guy about a decade younger than me and he was more mature than most men I’ve met in their 30′s.  He was intelligent, well spoken and we have a lot in common.  The age thing sticks with me a bit but I’m not wanting any relationships right now so fuck it.

Then yesterday a guest spent my entire shift hanging out with me watching football.  It started because the bar was packed and the only open spot was at the end of the bar by my station so he just claimed me as his server and we ended up hanging out while I waited tables and watched the games.

I have an awesome job.

Everyone kept telling me to give him my number but I always say never date a guest.  Turns out he’s not a regular though and another gal gave her number out the other day so when my shift was over I said fuck it and handed it out.  He’s handsome, my age, employed and doesn’t act like a douche when he drinks because I got him tanked and he was very respectful. He also knows I don’t drink and respected that but I’m not sure I can or should date a drinker.  Might have to stick to the youngin’, he doesn’t party at all.

Fuck it.

I’d like to sky dive without pants on.  Unless I hit a bird I imagine it’d be very freeing and breezy.

I’d like to pee in the sea.  I’ve peed in showers, lakes and oceans but I have yet to conquer the sea.

I want to ride on that super fast train with my head sticking out the window.

I want to kiss Jim Morrison’s tombstone.  I used to say I’d fuck his corpse because I had a massive crush on him but I think I’ll be okay with some tombstone lovin’ instead.

I want to sit in the eye of a storm wearing nothing but a poncho.

I want to climb a fire ladder and save a kitten from a tree.

I WANTED to fire the douchebag co-worker but someone beat me to it.  EVERYONE read (and loved thankfully) my post about her and it was just in time because she’s outie.  People wondered if she read it but I’m fairly sure she can’t read so I’m not too worried about it.

I want to feed a lion in on an African safari.  Hopefully not my arm.

I want to swim with the sharks during ‘Shark Week’.

I want to take my best friend to every city in the world and have a photo shoot in each one.  We’ve got three down so far if you count the city we live in and we have plenty of time.

Unless I die, then we’re fucked.

Unless she likes jackalopes.

I want to finish writing my damn book.

I want to securely fasten an old person into a wheelchair and run really fast downhill without causing any heart attacks or something.  I prefer to have said old person’s permission.

If I lose my teeth when I’m an old lady I want to take my fake one’s out and become the most popular person in the nursing home.

I want to invent new Kama Sutra poses.

I want to get schwasted in Amsterdam.  I’m going to need my inhaler for that unless I just eat a bunch of pot brownies.  Given that I have an anxiety disorder, I’ll have to remember to take my Xanax prior to.

I’m sure I have more I just can’t really think of any.  I’ve done quite a bit in my short life already since my first hubs and I experimented in all things hallucinogenic.  We both started as some plaster in our ceiling and saw the Tasmanian Devil standing on a toilet repeatedly tearing off and replacing his head and I spoke to Jim Morrison because his ghost was on my hardwood floor (hence the crush).

I’ve watched my dog run so fast he looked like he was standing still.  He might have just been standing still while I was running fast.  I was pretty lit.

I smoked catnip to see what the fuss was about.  It doesn’t do us any good.

I’ve visited almost every state and parts of Canada, Mexico and South America.  I stopped traveling when I had my boys.  I’m taking small two and three day trips now when I can now.

Uh…That’s about all I think.  I’m sure I’ll think of more but I’ll just Facebook and Tweet them.  What’s on your ‘fuck it’ list?  Have you done anything crazy before?  I could use some ideas.  I’m only 34, I live a drug and alcohol free life, take care of my body, love my children, live responsibly and love and cherish every friendship I have.  I live a great life even though every now and then one of my bi or polar personalities comes out and tries to tell me otherwise.  As long as I stay properly medicated and keep my body free from toxins I think I’ll be able to achieve everything on the list (save for Amsterdam, I might want to save that for later and I’m not sure what the policy is on pantsless skydiving).

I don’t know how to close this post so I’m just going to stop typing and read my story.

Thanks for letting me share (I’m really digging AA.  We say that and it makes me feel good).

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