People, let me tell you, I am POPULAR in Mexico. You know how the Germans love David Hasselhoff? Well, the Mexicans love me.  I’ve been to about 30 different cities about 100 different times, and I am consistently being told, “I like joo, because joo are blonde”.

Yeah. I stick out like a sore (hot) thumb when I travel.

Back in the days I flew free (before kids), I’d take a vacation once a month for a few days. One day, my buddy Mike asked me if I wanted to go to some random city where his brother was teaching kids English. I think we decided to go about two days in advance.  Could have been an hour, who knows.

Gosh, I wish I could remember what city it was. I know it was during their Mardi Gras, because I have a way of arriving in countries when they party hardest.

Anyway, there we were. I don’t know where, but I’m a good traveler and I know how to take care of myself, so I wasn’t worried. I ate, drank (a lot) and was merry (and sometimes Mary, depending on the situation).

Then one day, Mike’s brother Steve suggested we go check something out. We hopped in a cab to a bus station. We took a three hour bus ride where we got stopped by cops to validate our passports. We arrived in what I believe was Mexico City, but don’t quote me on that.

Once off the bus, we climbed  into what that town considered a cab. I stood (in a dress) in the back of a very crowded pick up truck with my two friends and about fifteen Mexicans. Every set of eyes was on me for the entire hour and a half ride.

Even in an open pick up truck, it stank. We all had to stand because there was a ton of people  jammed into the back and townies were rubbing all over me the entire time (possibly intentionally). My friends, although concerned for me because I was the only girl (in the country), seemed to also find it all highly amusing.

Once the “cab” stopped and dropped us off, it was close to midnight.   How Steve knew where he was taking us was beyond me.  I’d like to point out, this was well before I knew my husband and had kids, so I partied A LOT.

We were at the edge of a rain forest.  There was a little hut surrounded by torches and a guy telling me in Spanish to hold on to my purse so the monkey doesn’t steal it.

Monkey?  What fuckin’ monkey? Yeah.  Apparently this guy has a trained monkey who steals wallets and was kind enough to point it out to me.  Little did he know, I don’t carry a purse (or a wallet). I keep everything in my bra.

Steve starts talking to the guy about taking us to wherever it is he’s taking us and somehow convinces him to canoe us there.  With just the moonlight to guide us, we glide down the river towards our destination.

I’m silently freaking out because I’m watching an alligator swim right along side us,  but I figure what the hell, I’ve made it this far.  Just up ahead, there’s a dock and two figures waiting for us.  I can only assume Steve called ahead (or sent a pigeon with a note or something).

After docking the boat and getting safely to shore, we were greeted by this lovely older couple who had a bottle of tequila in one hand and a joint in the other.  I happily took them both and followed along with my friends to their house where they fed us something foreign that I refused to eat.

I got excited when I saw a puppy playing, only to realize that the puppy was playing with a skull of some dead animal.  Our sleeping quarters were outside.  There was a line of screened rooms, each with just a hammock.  Bugs couldn’t get to us and we could each see one another from where we lay.

I honestly don’t remember the rest of that night.  After I pretended to eat my dinner, I basically drank an entire bottle of tequila and smoked that whole joint so I might need to confer with my friends to find out the rest.

What I do know what that it only cost a total of $8 a day and that included all room and board (if you want to call it that), food and full use of kayaks and private sandy beaches.

I’d never be able to find this place again and at this point in my life, wouldn’t want to, but I’m glad to have had that experience.  The beauty of it all is that I’ve only recounted the first DAY of that trip to Mexico.  I still have more to tell.  Stay tuned!

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