Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First.

When you are on a moving walkway in an airport and just feel like standing on it because you’re not using it for the purpose of hauling ass to your connecting flight, PLEASE STAND TO THE EFFING RIGHT so that I can pass.  You are in great danger of being smashed in the shoulder “accidentally” as I try to pass and believe me, I am SO SUPER SORRY I “accidentally” ran your foot over with my bag as I passed.

I am an asshole.  Seriously.  I’m driving my kid to school the other day and must have mentioned that I was craving Chik Fil A and my loving, wonderful four year old said, “I have money, Mommy.  I’ll give it to you” and you know what?  I actually considered it.  I wasn’t even thinking.  Luckily, my mind kind into auto-mom and I said “No thanks, honey.  The money in your piggy bank is for you, but I appreciate the offer.”

That made me feel slightly guilty for the time or two I’ve need a buck from that piggy back but come on, he gets free room and board.

Don’t try to walk around South Beach Miami in heels if you are a germaphobe.  You KNOW your feet are going to hurt when you’re walking back from a massive party to your car.  You KNOW you’re doing to ditch the heels because you’re not going to take another step in them without completely paralyzing yourself.  You KNOW you’re going to be walking barefoot on the streets of Miami Beach during Super Bowl Week and you’re going to wish you were walking through a puddle of sanitizer instead of whatever that was you just stepped in.

Well, not if you’re a guy.

Unless you’re a tranny.

Plus, it’s doubtful it’ll be Super Bowl week.  Or Miami Beach.

Dude.  Whatever.  All I’m saying is walking barefoot down any street at any time grosses me the fuck out.

*GASP*

Julie said fuck!

OMG I DID IT AGAIN!

I want to punch the kid in front of me in the face.  Stop rocking the seat back and forth when you win your round of Mario Kart (he gets points for playing that at least) and turn the fucking volume down on your DSi.

His mother should have know better.  You’re not supposed to have noise on a flight.  They keep this shit up, I’m totally going to play porn as loud as I can and believe me, I have TONS of porn on my computer.

I told on him and made the Flight Attendant have him turn the sound off.  Losers.

Shit.

Look who’s back.  Swearing, porn, rage.  Must be choosing integrity over money after all.

Not sure integrity actually applies to my behavior but fuck it.  I’m gonna do what I want.

I’m going to steal that kids DSi because he’s playing something that looks like it could be Star Wars.   Now I want to punch him in the face less.

Lucky fucker.