I hope you like having sex with yourself and/or others because I’m giving away a $100 gift certificate to EdenFantasys all month long as they are the Momspective Blog Talk Radio Show‘s sponsor for the month.  I love them.  Courtney and I are going to use them to provide us with our Halloween costumes.  Super sweet.  Listen to the show tonight at 9PM EST.  It’s hosted by me, my best friend Courtney and Acadia from SuperficialGallery.com and we’re getting to be pretty fucking good at it.

I like naps.  I don’t take them but they look like fun.  Instead what I do is stay up until 4AM and just take my sleep stuff and wake up at 3 in the afternoon, much like I did today.  I’m running out of my tiger blood so I’m starting to feel shitty.

I was talking to a friend who has parents that are over-sharers.  Like more than me.  She said she had a pink brush that she left at camp and she was talking to her about about how she forgot it there and her mom said – and I swear to you I’m not making this up – “Honey, I’m going to have to buy you a new one, I used yours to put it up your father’s ass last night during sex.”

I love that I can share everything with my father but I’m SO thankful we keep our sex lives private.

I was also talking to a guy about when he drove drunk one day.  He was young and dumb and admitted that in hindsight it was a horrible thing to do but whilst driving he saw an open grocery store only it was off the highway and there was no exit.  In his state of inebriation he decided it would be best if he just drove straight off the highway on the grass towards the store.  What he didn’t know was that there was a ten foot drop a few feet ahead.  He said he was going all of five miles per hour but he went off that drop and the car flipped and landed with the roof on the bottom.  Unscathed, he got out and walked away.  He thinks he called friends for a ride home but can’t really remember that part for sure.  What he does remember is the police knocking on his door the next morning asking him if he knows where his car it.  He said “Yes.  I do.  I’m very sorry about that.”

Baffled, the police stepped aside to talk to each other.  They went back to the man and told him that most people wouldn’t admit to what he just did and would have claimed it was stolen, causing months of investigating and paperwork.  They told him they could easily take him to the station and get him blood tested but they appreciated his honestly so much that they only gave him a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident.  Since there wasn’t anyone else involved his insurance company provided him with a letter that got him out of that ticket.

I’m pretty sure he didn’t learn a positive lesson over this and I wouldn’t recommend you hire him to lecture at a motivational class for sobriety.

He was a great tipper though.

I’m kicking ass at work.  I’m so genuinely in love with my coworkers.  Truly.  I also had a stellar day with a fantasy football draft I worked.  I managed to talk all seven guys into signing up for our All Star Brew Club Rewards Card (even the guy drinking water), I got a $10 tip from each one and the league commissioner wrote into our website and said I’m awesome so when I got to work there was a “You rock Julie!” along with a copy of his letter on the door.  I’m so proud of myself  but to be honest I’m afraid that kind of positive attention might make some of the people I work with not like me.  I have a tendency to bond with my guests and our website is right at the bottom of their receipt and now that I’ve found that out all I have to do is point it out and tell them how wonderful I think we all are as people and they’re more than welcome to write into that website to tell my managers the same. I’m fairly sure more of those letters will come in and I don’t want to appear too cool to where people think I’m a douche.

I’m not a douche I’m just super loving and helpful and I sweep the floors without being asked and try to make sure the dirty plates on the bar side get picked up when I think about looking over that way and I try to bus tables.  I want to be the best at what I can be and I know the senior people there appreciate me but I’m thinking some of the younger ones who have been there slightly longer will shun me and I don’t like being disliked but I also REALLY like being loved so I’m afraid I’m going to have to choose pimping my stellar service out in hopes of seeing more positive letters over seeking popularity among my coworkers.  Wah.

I know you’re reading this thinking I’m retarded but I really care what people think about me.  I tend to talk too much and when I feel awesome I tell everyone.  I usually only do it on Facebook and Twitter but that was before I had a job outside of the home.  Now I’m surrounded by people so I can’t stop myself from telling them how awesome I am.  I think they’re all awesome too so I tell them as well so hopefully that evens out but I know a few have to be talking about the fact that I think I’m awesome.  I just can’t help it.  I am.

I’ve been talking to a lot of people over the past few days and we’ve been exchanging stories and I’ve been reminded of some that I’ll have a great time telling you this week.  I’m hoping I didn’t tell you one of them but if I did I don’t care because I have a lot of new readers and I’ll tell it differently so none of my regulars should mind.

Have a great Tuesday, be sure to listen to my show tonight and I’ll see you all again tomorrow!

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