So the other day I was talking to the best looking individual I’ve ever seen in person about how awesome it is to be both good looking and smart.  I’m hoping it was a reciprocal conversation because I was totally talking about the both of us.

I love my friends.  They’re all beautiful and smart and funny and I’m honored to be in their lives.

I think this confidence I’ve been getting lately is stemming from the ridiculous amount of attention I’m getting from young attractive men.  I’ve always been moderately vain and narcissistic and I’m pretty proud of that because I think we should all embrace our qualities but lately I’ve had men from ages 20 and up taking interest in me and I’m worlds beyond flattered.  I have to watch how I handle things though because it appears as though I have allergies to people.

No shit.

I’m allergic to people who wear cologne.

A super smart, attractive and talented guy asked me out the other day and I said okay and we hung out.  He was lovely.  Easy to talk to, very good looking and an excellent musician.  The problem?  I’m allergic to him.  I’m not even joking.  He smells great.  He doesn’t wear too much cologne but the fact that he wears any at all killed my immune system.  I realized I have to not only date sober people, I have to date sober people who only wear deodorant.

After my date I went to sleep and woke up the next morning with my throat closed, sinuses plugged and joints aching.  At work whenever someone with perfume or cologne walked by I almost fainted.  I’m due for my blood tomorrow and I don’t think my immune system could handle that reaction.  I had to tell him I can’t hang out again because I’m allergic to him.  That shit could only happen to me.

Speaking of being at work, we have a new regular that’s stirring up trouble.  There are a couple of British men who are starting to hang out and they like to make their mark.  Last week one was found fucking a gal in the ladies room and when a manager went in there to ask him to please stop he said “I’ll just be a minute!” and continued boning.  I missed that one and I’m SUPER upset that I didn’t hear about it until yesterday.

The only reason it was even brought up is because he was bouncing around the bar yesterday hugging everyone (even the men in a very uncomfortable way) telling them they’re a “Jolly good egg” and then at one point he came to me with a flower he stole from the bathroom.  He bowed, held my hand and blethered on about some nonsense I didn’t really catch because all I could think about was the fact that this man just came from the bathroom and likely did not wash his hands.

After I returned the flower to it’s rightful place I ran into the ladies room and scrubbed my hands in scalding hot water.  I had to repeatedly sweep the floors for the duration of the evening because every time he went to the loo he left a trail of flower petals on his way back outside to smoke and vomit (yep).

He’s quickly becoming one of our favorites.

I’m still sober.  I love it.  I’m having absolutely no problem with it.  I was supposed to go out with the cool kids from work yesterday but my allergy attack prevented me from doing so and I’ve been in bed since but I’m having no problem slinging beers at the bar and hanging around folks who drink.  I decided I can’t date a drinker though.  I’m going to have to find people who either drink very little like my very best friend Courtney (I’d date her) or see what type of guys I meet in AA who have more than six months of sobriety.  I don’t want anyone new like me, that’s not bound to be a stable relationship.

Yes, I’m dating.  I don’t see a problem with that.  I’m not going around screwing people, I’m having coffee and going to the movies.  It’s lovely.  I’m actually terrified of the boning process.  You’ll likely not know about that part because I have to keep some things private but I do have to say I’m not going to be comfortable boning until my stomach is flat.  I’ve been working out like crazy.  All these young hot guys are asking me out and I’m very interested in one but need my stomach to be tight before I can feel really comfortable around him.

I’m also having issues with wondering what it’s supposed to be like “down there”.  I got into a convo with some people last month about lady part grooming and one gal does a landing strip, one has nothing and I have a tiny triangle (sorry for the visual).  I’m not sure what the trend is lately.  The landing strip reminds me of Hitler and having nothing makes me feel twelve so I have what I think it’s appropriate but one never knows what’s going on inside someones head so all I’d be thinking is “Is it right?  Would he like it?  Will he laugh at me?”

That led me to buy the new at home hair laser removal thing that’s out.  It was created by the guy who invented the one doctors use and it’s got a six month guarantee.  You shave your legs as normal then use the laser and just zap yourself all over the place every two weeks.  Each week you’re killing hair and it won’t ever grow back.  In about six months you’re hair-free.  I’m super excited.  I’ll never have to shave my legs again.  I have no problem gently electrocuting myself every two weeks for a few months if it means no more razors and endless hours shaving my legs and pink parts.

That’s about all that’s been on my mind lately.  Boys, lady parts, shaving and work.  I’ve lost four pounds this month and I’m starting to really dig me.  I’m paying more attention to my body now that I’ve cleaned it out and am toxin-free save for the coffee I’ve grown addicted to.  I’ve cut out all soda and alcohol though so I think two cups of coffee a day is okay and I’m starting to cut out the cream and sugar so that should help even more.

I know I have an awesome week ahead of me.  I go vamp tomorrow and have plans the next few days and then I get to go to work Thursday night and it’s going to rock.  I hear we’re going to have our St. Jude karaoke drive.  We’re going to have people offer up money to have their server sing whatever they want.  I’m all about that.  I’m going to try to urge them to pick songs I know but I love the idea.  It’s basically what I had people doing last Thursday and I make the bulk of my money on karaoke nights so I’m looking forward to telling you all about it.

Now I have to find a way to transport a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee to my house because it’s 10AM and I’m awake for some unknkown reason but too comfortable to get out of bed.  Hmm…

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