Only it wasn’t as pretty as that.  No shit.  Pickle juice and vodka.  Apparently my neighbor isn’t as mental as we always say he is because I just Googled it and it’s EVERYWHERE.  There are so many different ways to combine pickle juice and alcohol!  I actually didn’t hate it.  It’s like biting into a pickle after you had a sandwich only there’s no crunch, it’s liquid and it contains vodka.

It also appears that I don’t get hangovers.  Last night we had to prep ourselves to watch a movie.  In order to enjoy this movie, you have to be drunk.  In order to ensure their privacy (the hubs likes to keep out of the public eye), I will from this point forward call my hubs Carlos (he uses that name when he’s drunk and in a foreign country.  I am not kidding)  and my neighbor shall henceforth be dubbed asshat.

So asshat (very good friend and neighbor, hangs out at the house a few times a week and all our kids banter) shows up at my door last night with a grocery bag filled with Miller Lite cans and a mason jar filled with pickle juice and vodka. I had already started drinking at eight, after the kids had gone to sleep and asshat didn’t come over until 9:45.

By the time asshat strolled on through my door I had already drank one beer, half a blender of leftover Strawberry Daiquiri from the 4th of July and another beer.  In that order.  Cracking another beer open, Juan-Carlos notices the mason jar and asks what’s in it.  Asshat tells us it’s pickle juice and vodka.

Asshat explained all about it (he takes pickle juice and puts vodka in it) and Carlos and I started wondering if asshat rode the short bus to school.  Then I remembered one of my friends loves drinking pickle juice.  Apparently it’s quite popular in the South.

I can’t pass up a dare.  I love a challenge that’s actually fun and not time consuming and will end up breaking my heart.  Asshat dares me to taste it and I say no fucking way, asshat.  I look at Carlos who just drank a gallon of margarita mix (that someone dumped and entire bottle of tequila in *vomit*) and was moving on to beers and told him to taste it.

Carlos told me he’d rather get his ass bit by a monkey so I said what the fuck.  If it’s gross, I’ll chase it with beer or vomit.  So I did.  This was my Facebook update -

Okay. Who has ever tried pickle juice & vodka? I’m watching someone drink it. I may try it. I’m about to try it. I tried it. It’s not bad. That is so fucked up.

That update brought in about 17 comments and this blog post. I like the way my brain is working lately.  I’m all happy and shit.  Instead of having to think of what to write, which I was doing before and it was almost making writing less awesome, I’ve decided to just let me fingers type and I’ll read it when I’m finished to see what I’m up to.  Apparently it’s pickle juice and vodka today. I’d like to give a hearty “Fuck you” to asshat for bringing shit vodka to my home.  I did a shot of it and it tasted like it was not only from the bottom of the barrel, it’s like the bottom off the barrel was removed and the vodka squeezed  from there.

We watched the movie and all agreed it was the most horrible movie we will constantly reference and later laugh about, henceforth making us think it’s better than it actually it.  Following that, asshat took off.  I was buzzed and I wanted to walk to the bar across the street but Juan-Carlos pointed out that I wasn’t going to do that and gave several valid reasons, so I didn’t go.

Good thing I didn’t, because my little man woke up with a nightmare and I slept in his bed.  By the time he woke me up, I was sober, it was early morning.  I went in his room and turned on his lullaby CD that I reviewed a billion years ago and he still listens to it every day since the day I reviewed it.  I just looked at and hyper-linked it there but the review seemed to have lost all it’s pictures.  Since I’m pressed for time today, I’m not going to figure that out but I wrote that November 4th, 2008.  That was a LONG ASS TIME AGO.  Shows how good it is, my kid has to hear it every night.

So I get in my baby’s bed (it’s queen sized) and his thing is playing with my hair.  He can pass right out and he automatically plays with my hair.  It annoys the shit out of me because he twists it and I can’t sleep.  My brother used to twist his own hair when he was little and he got it wrapped around his finger and my parents had to but the hair off.  I ask my father to tell us what really happened since I wasn’t there so look for Dr. B’s comment below.

Anywho, the J-Dizzler kept me up all fucking night twirling my hair.  When I first got in bed, I assumed he was still awake since he was playing with my hair so I told him to go to sleep.  He whispered “Okay, mama.” and a few moments later said “Mama?  I was already asleep when you said that.”  He’s five and hasn’t had a nightmare in months so I haven’t had to sleep in there to comfort him in ages.  He’s played with my hair since birth.

Most of my files were wiped out so I can't prove he played with my hair but I can prove he sleeps and he's fucking adorable. He's five now so he's covered in dirt and talks back. I love this picture.

I have no idea where I’m going with this post.  I guess I just highlighted an average night in the Maloney Manor. J-note played with my hair until seven this morning when Carlos woke him up.  I promptly grabbed my monkey (I can’t sleep without my monkey pillow, that’s a different story.  Maybe tomorrow.) and I got in my bed where I slept in short bursts.  I for some reason wake up at 9:30 every day.  My kids are gone all day so I can get my shit done.  That means I can sleep in, work hard on my websites (because Social Networking is SO HARD *tee hee*) and get the house all cleaned up and dinner cooked and shit.

I also like to go to the lake down the street or to Shaftner’s pool.  That is a name I am not making up.  I’d marry him just so I could have that name.  Julie Shaftner.

Anyway.  I got up at 9:30 and decided I must still be tired and I got up again at 10:30 to potty then I got back  in bed until 11:17 and started writing this and doing my typical morning shit.  Brushed teeth, let dog out, make coffee, let dog in, start writing.  I have to roll out now though,I have to pay a visit to my psychologist soon.  I like her.  I make her laugh.

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