I’m going to start by saying that any of you who know me know that I suffer from depression and bipolar disorder.  I talked about my problems on The Wii Mommies Radio Show last week and have written numerous posts about how I suffer from depression.  I actually made a depression category within this site because I just now realized just how much I talk about it.

Yesterday on Facebook and Twitter, I put a call out for people to help me out by simply donating $1 to PayPal.  I linked a new email (FlyJulieHome@Gmail.com) to my husband’s PayPal (because my accounts are in my business name and this is DEFINITELY not business).  People have been asking me why so I’m going to do that in a rather unconventional way.  I’m just going to post my Facebook updates.  That best explains it. I did not text and drive.  I was either in park or a passenger.  Please note I will add a few pics and will also make relevant notes in italics.  This is a VERY important post to me.  I have NEVER asked for help with anything.  People seem to be under the impression that I’m loaded.  I’m not.  While I do have a business, I can’t use business funds for personal reasons and my personal funds suck because the state of the economy blows ass and I have two mortgage payments.  Here is a recap of my weekend, which began Friday evening at 5PM.  I started Facebooking at 5:43PM.

Of COURSE it would be the worst possible weather for a road trip. It’s just how my luck has been lately.
Fri at 5:43pm

It just took an hour and a half to go 27 miles. Expect A LOT of updates from me tonight. No snow at my house but it’s slushy 27 miles North. Fri at 6:25

If I had the power to shit 100 bills, I’d have flown the family instead of driven. US Air, an hour and a half. Driving, twelve hours. Fri at 6:51pm

Someone please help me get my 20 MO to stop yelling. We’ve driven 38 miles in 2.5 hours & he hasn’t stopped yet. Fri at 7:40pm

Well folks, after taking 3 hours to go 35 miles (out of the 850 mile trip) we’ve decided to head back home. We’ll try again tomorrow. Fri at 8:20pm

This is where I need to pause to tell everyone about something that happened that I kept off of Facebook.  Even if the weather had been sunny and bright, I would have turned around to go home at that moment.  At roughly 9PM Friday night, I found out a friend of mine committed suicide.

His fiancee is one of my closest friends.  She was the first person I met when I moved to Charlotte eight years ago and my heart aches not only for myself, because I knew him, but for her.  I adore her and couldn’t possibly imagine what she’s going through.

This effects me in a few different ways.  The strongest of course is because I love her and am concerned for her well being after this tragic incident.  Secondly, this has shown me what suicide does to those who love the individual.  As a person who suffers from depression, I know that it’s a disease and if not properly treated, one will take their own life.  I can also admit that I have thought about it myself in the 16 years since I’ve been diagnosed.  One doesn’t think of anything but their own pain in my experience.  We don’t think about what happens to those we leave behind.  Often times, we don’t even know what we’re doing.

I use this blog as my outlet and I seek help when I need it.  I can not speak for my friend, but I’m going to take an excerpt from the eulogy from the service I attended on Saturday at noon.  I’m withholding names out of respect for my friends and family.

“Today we are faced with a painful and perplexing situation we could never have imagined: (He) has been inexplicably and unexpectedly taken from us. We cannot pretend that we are not shocked and grieved by his death, and the timing of it makes it all the more difficult. He was in the prime of his life and had many more years to live; so many more lives to impact. We were all looking forward to the wonderful experiences we believed he would have and make and share. Instead we are gripped with a range of emotions, the sadness over the loss of someone so gifted, talented, loving and special. Some of us are angry because we have been left behind or because we didn’t get an opportunity to help.Some of us are having feelings of guilt because we didn’t see the signs or we feel like somewhere along the line we should have done more. And all of us are asking “why?” How could it have come to this?Why didn’t he ask for help? There is so much we don’t know. We don’t know what burden (He) was carrying which seemingly appeared to him to be too much to shoulder. We don’t know why he took his own life or what led him to think he had no other choice. We wonder how long (He) lived with this mounting burden and how long he had to endure it. We wonder at the despair that at last got out of hand and drove him to this decision. Our hearts go out to him, someone we thought we knew so well, and someone we loved and yet he managed to conceal from us a struggle that lasted for all we know, weeks, months or even years. And we wonder, of course, how much he suffered at the end, in this final lonely act. There is much so we do not know, and it hurts. This hurt will never go away, and we know it.”

In order to keep this as short as I can (it won’t be), I’m just going to go right into my Facebook updates again.  Please remember, although I grieve and suffer from my friends loss, some of my updates are just the same old me, being humorous and vulgar.  I’m also inserting some (not all) replies from friends.  If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook, you’d see that I had probably 100 replies throughout this weekend, and the support given to me is what got me to my final destination.  I got here last night, got in bed after my bath and am still in my jammies, in the bed I grew up in at 2PM recovering from the events of this weekend.  I have no intention of getting out of bed today.  All sections that have “—” are replies to my specific update I figured I’d share here.

My evening further reinforces the fact that bad things always happen to good people. Sat at 2:07am

I can’t sleep, that’s what’s on the radio. I recently got devastating news and I just can’t fall asleep.
Sat at 2:30am

I didn’t Facebook again from that moment until 6PM.  We left home at about 2 Saturday afternoon and it was smooth sailing up I-77N until we hit I-81N. I do NOT have the energy to change these updates.  Friday refers to 12/18/09.  Saturday to 12/19 and  Sunday was 12/20/09)

Now we’re stuck on 81 in VA at a stand still and my 20 month old has explosive mudd butt. Sat at 6:02pm

CORRECTION – Now we’re stuck on 81 in VA at a stand still and my 20MO has mudd butt and my 4YO now has to poop even though he peed 15 min ago when we stopped.
Sat at 6:05pm

According to a guy walking car to car, a car collided with a double FedEx truck 15 miles up from where we’ve been sitting for 10 minutes in park. Sat at 6:27pm

Let’s re-hash my day. Woke for a devastating mem svce, TRYING to drive 6hrs to a htl in WV w/2 kids w/mudd butt, a 15 mi traffic jam & a partridge in a pear tree. Sat at 6:51pm

Its not snowing here either. Hasn’t the whole trip. It just hasn’t been plowed. I think I’ve seen 50 cars stranded/in accidents since I left at 2. Sat at 10:26pm

My overall speed (ALL INTERSTATE – 77 & 81) for the 224.8 miles I’ve driven averages 34.9 MPH according to my Garmin. Moving time 4 hr 48 min stopped 1hr 37m.  Sat at 10:33pm

Can anyone tell me why I’m parked on I-81N 12 miles from I-64E? Accident? People just like sleeping in parked cars on the interstate? Sat at 10:18pm

If someone could find out what city is 225 miles N of Charlotte NC, I need to find a hotel off I-81N. My nav is saying 2am. That’s 11 hrs. Sat at 10:40pm

I just realized my Garmin knows where I am. Natural Bridge VA 24578. Parked in a car & I gotta pee BAD
Sat at 10:54pm

My brother found a room 70 miles away in Harrisonburg so we don’t have to go to Martinsburg. Sat at 11:41pm (Note: Our PLAN was to drive 6 hours to a half way point in Martinsburg, WV where my brother reserved me a room.  He is management for a hotel in NY and got me a deal.  We were going to continue our drive on Sunday)

There isn’t a single available hotel around. That’s the closest. Josh is sick. We’re all fighting. I smell like shit (literally). It’s like every other holiday, eh? Sat at 11:53pm

Since the car is parked & my toddler got sick I had to change him in the car & he shit all over my pants. My clothes are in the back of our packed trunk. Sat at 11:33pm (and it was PACKED.  Couldn’t get to my clothes, I tried.  I’m sharing the poopy picture I took.  I had to wear those pants for about 18 hours.)

—-Bob Beechinor
That’s OK, as long as it’s his shit and not yours, you have an excuse. Unless you pee your pants too, but I’d still blame him if anyone asks. Sat at 11:41pm

—-Julie Maloney
I might. I have to pee so bad but if I squat it’ll prob freeze. Daddy, he shit on me. I’m sending a pic (yes I took one). Sat at 11:47pm

Hey, I had to see it.

Its all truckers. We’re napping if we ever make it to our hotel & leaving asap tomorrow (today?) for the other 600 miles.  Sat at 11:51pm

—Bob Beechinor
5 minutes til tomorrow
Sat at 11:55pm

—–Julie Maloney
I was supposed to be at my orig hotel 3 hours ago. If I didn’t have my bro change it’d be 4 more hours. That’s the entire drive time to NY. Its all truckers!
Sat at 11:59pm

My new hotel is in Harrisonberg VA. Anyone know if 81′s been plowed over there? Sun at 12:07am

—–Bob Beechinor
The VDOT shows NOTHING plowed right up to where the VA map ends and W VA begins.
Sun at 12:10am

——–Bob Beechinor
http://www.virginiadot.org/newsroom/statewide/2009/vdot_forces_continue_to44162.asp
Sun at 12:12am

——–Julie Maloney

Shoot. It’s 65 miles from the parking lot – I mean interstate -but we’re not moving. At all. We have 3/4 tank of gas (Theresa) so that’s okay. Sun at 12:29am

What I don’t get is that I haven’t seen a single drop of sleet or snow. They just didn’t plow (cuz who travels X-Mas week?) & people can’t drive. At all. Sun at 12:33am

——Bob Beechinor
I-81 Martinsburg W VA Area Slow Lane is Snow Covered
Fast Lane is Snow Covered. PA looks OK.  Sun at 12:33am

——–Julie Maloney
I’m stopping in Harrisonburg ASAP we cxld the Martinsburg hotel. Is that tomorrow’s forecast?
Sun at 12:36am

Could somebody please get these fockers off the road so I can get my now sick 20 MO to an actual crib?
Sun at 12:31am

—Theresa
Have you guys moved at all?
Sat at 12:47am

—Julie Maloney
We got about 10 feet. The baby’s sick. Jake’s been good though. I have a horible knot in my neck. I can feel the bump. And I got shit on. Sun at 12:49am

—–Julie Maloney
I can’t even move from this spot & my bro called everyone & checked expedia. Closest open room’s 65 miles & he only got it cuz he’s management. Sun at 12:55am

I’m seriously afraid I’m going to fall asleep sitting in this traffic but if I call anyone, my kids’ll wake & scream. Once I start driving I’ll be awake. Shit, we’ve only gone 35 mph anyway. Daddy, make them move. I’m gonna cry. My neck hurts & I stink. Well I’m stuck and haven’t moved for over an hour. A car accident at this point is unlikely.  Sun at 12:58am
I called the cops. They said there was an accident that’s cleared out but now all the trucks that were sitting are stuck. Sun at 1:31am

Still not moving. Garmin says we’ll get to our hotel at 3 if we start driving 60 mph right now. We’ll prob get there at 5 (if we’re lucky) and check out’s @ 11  Sun at 1:47am

Still sitting in the same spot. 3 hrs now. Been on the road 12 hrs. If the weather was clear, we’d be in Syr. Instead, we’re just over 1/4 of the way there.  Sun at 2:42am

We’ve been stopped longer than we’ve been moving since we left home. Sun at 3:07am

Called cops we should start moving w/in an hour. Driving straight to NY now. No point in stopping. Check in l8r. Sun at 3:47am

It’s taken me 12 hours and 14 minutes to drive 226.3 miles. 5 h 13 m drive time, 7 h 2 m (& counting) stopped in traffic. 505.7 miles to go! WOOT!  Sun at 4:14am

6 AM. Still in the same spot. It’s taken 13 hours and 49 min to go 226.3 miles.  Sun at 5:47am

This is me about to cry. I’m stuck in between about 30 miles of stopped traffic with a sick 20 mo old. It’s been EIGHT hours!  Sun at 6:47am

I left Charlotte 15 hours ago & only made it 226 miles. No idea what happened but there was some accident on 81N & I’ve been stuck in it for 8 hours. Sun at 7:03am

I’m moving! I’m actually moving! Sun at 7:07am

I don’t ever want to do this again.  Sun at 7:44am

We got off the first exit to stretch & pee & they’re out of gas. Got a cell charger though!  Sun at 8:31am

I slept 2 hours. Josh refuses to do anything but scream. We’re in PA. Roads are finally good. Eating & stretching our legs.  Sun at 11:54am

Still have 5 hours left. Should be there by 5 maybe.  Sun at 11:58am

I think I updated wrong. I’ve been in a car for about 21 hours trying to get from SC to NY (usually 12 hr drive). Currently in MD. Kids are freaking out.  Sun at 12:21pm

Yes, I gave him powdered donuts just for a minute of silence.

Facebook has kept me awake for the past 48 hours (minus my 2 hr nap). I can’t believe I have to do this again (next)  Sunday. Sun at 1:21pm

—–Jackie
No shit- maybe you fly home and pay to have your car shipped back:) or you send Ryan on a plane with the 2 boys and you enjoy an quiet, 10 hr. drive home to yourself.
Sun at 1:22pm

—–Julie Maloney
I might see about flying one of us back with the kids.
Sun at 1:28pm

——Kim
Sounds like a good idea. If it were me, I would probably take the airplane and make him do the driving.
Sun at 1:29pm

——Julie Maloney
Plane ticket home in 6 days could be REALLY expensive but I’ll look.
Sun at 1:31pm

I wanna go home   Sun at 2:08pm

The second I recover from this trip, I’m writing it. Shit. I can make a movie out of it. I’m starting a “fly Julie home” fund. Donations accepted via paypal   Sun at 3:38pm

73 miles from my mom’s house Sun at 4:42pm

It’s one of the worst weekends I’ve ever had. My friend died, Josh pooped on my leg, the list goes on (all the way down my FB page lol).  Sun at 5:13pm

Julie Maloney  I’m here. Holy shitballs, I’m in my mothers house. Jacuzzi’s filled. Candles lit & I’m getting in it. Sun at 5:56pm

So that’s it. That was the easiest way to take you through the past three days.  I got some more really freaking bad news today about a different friend of mine but I’ve been asked to keep that totally private.  Needless to say, add one more thing to the Julie shit list.

I don’t want to drive home with my baby.  My 4YO, he can take it.  I’ve been traveling with him from Charlotte to Syracuse since I was pregnant with him.  Before I got pregnant with Josh, I was pregnant and decided to tell my family in person so Jake and I drove and I had a miscarriage 30 minutes before I got to my mothers, so I decided to fly if I was going to be traveling alone with my children.

Up until I had my operation, I did fly but the last trip in July was a nightmare and I decided I’d try driving again.  The past few times I’ve done it weren’t too bad because I always drive through the night (yes, alone) with my two boys and they’d sleep, but apparently when there’s snow my toddler just can’t.  I think if we actually managed to split the trip up so it was 6 hours, a hotel and 6 hours again it would have been more tolerable, but since this trip was so horrible I just can’t stand the thought of driving back in one week.  My husband said I need to fly with Josh as a lap child and he’ll drive back with Jake.

I booked a non-stop flight with US Air.  I can get home in just under two hours.  I opted to pay for it using “Bill Me Later” and PayPal and someone suggested that I just ask everyone for a dollar to help me cover the costs.  We figured since I have 700 Facebook friends and 11,000 Twitter followers, I could probably get the money raised.

If you have a buck to give, you can donate it to me using the email address FlyJulieHome@gmail.com.  If it says you paid Ryan, because his is linked to our bank account.  In honor of all of us suffering from the loss of a wonderful man, I am going to donate all the extra funds I get to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in honor of my friend.

A friend mentioned that they would like to donate but can’t use Paypal.  You can always mail a buck or check payable to-

***NOTE: From what we can tell right now, we’ve raised about $600.  I’d like to thank everyone for your help and I have decided to wait until the end of the week (or an additional one on top of that) to ensure all the funds people are donating have come through and will donate 1/2 of the total proceeds, even if it doesn’t cover my entire plane ticket.  Again, I’d like to thank all of you for your kind words, prayers and support and will update you when I finally know the totals!***

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