I hate my uterus
Typically I try to cater to both sexes when I write. Just because this is called the ‘Cool Mom Guide’ doesn’t mean it’s strictly for the moms. It just means someone thinks I’m cool and I’m hoping if I say it enough, so will you. Today’s post is for the ladies. Guys, you’re welcome to read as always but I’m just going to bitch about my uterus so there’s not much for you here.
I hate my uterus. It’s been my worst frienemy since I was 14. I have endometriosis. For those of you unfamiliar with the condition, I attached the link to the Wikipedia explanation. The only way to confirm and diagnose endometriosis is by laparoscopy or other types of surgery.
When I was 13 I got my period and figured it was my passage into womanhood. Didn’t ask for it, wasn’t thrilled about it. I’m quoted as saying “But I don’t wanna be a lady!” the day I got it (in school wearing my blue and white tie dyed MC Hammer pants no less).
Roughly a year after ‘Aunt Flo’ decided to visit me monthly, she abruptly went away. While I was thrilled, I knew something was off. After it had been 6 months with nothing, I had people assuming I was pregnant. Thanks for that, people. I was FOURTEEN (and a virgin).
After 6 months, it returned. This time I had it for 9 months straight. Every single day was like day one. Cramps, bloating, misery. I had to take iron pills because I lost so much blood and I hated red meat, so I was always weak and throwing up.
This pattern continued throughout my teens. It got to where no one even talked about it anymore. I either had it for months on end or it’d go away. Blah, blah, blah. Years passed, the cramps got worse. Finally my doc decided to go in via laparoscopy to check me out.
The day I had my surgery I told him, “If you’re in there and you see anything, zap the shit out of me”. He insisted nothing would need to happen but I asked to sign some kind of waiver because I figured if he’s in there already and he sees something, I want it gone.
A few hours later I woke up, begging for drugs (I did that a lot as a teen) and the doctor told me it was ‘a good thing I signed the waiver’ because there was so much endometriosis built up he got it just before it had gone into my tubes. Then he sat me down, handed me a bottle of Prozac and told me I’d never have children.
Don’t feel sorry for me, he was obviously wrong or I’d not be holding the current title as Cool Mom. I just wanted to give you a wee bit ‘o background on my uterus and why I hate it. Following that laser lap, I was put on some meds to induce menopause. I was 18. I’d sit around the table with all the 50 year old moms, complaining of hot flashes and night sweats. I had random stray hairs grow places I’ve only seen on my 80 year old grandmother.
Over the years, the periods came and went like before. I was on every medication, went through menopause twice and one doc tried to give me a partial hysterectomy but my mother about clawed his eyes out. When I married Ryan, I was on my second menopausal bout and was instructed not to consummate the relationship or I’d possibly get pregnant with a 2 headed baby (even though I was infertile, go figure).
Six weeks after I got married Ry and I got a little frisky and I said “Once won’t hurt”. 4 weeks later I was at my GYN asking for fertility drugs, thinking I’d have to be on them a year to get pregnant. I hadn’t had my period in 2 years at this point, so when I was told I was pregnant I about peed my pants.
My docs were floored that I could get pregnant in “one shot” when I hadn’t had a period in years. Ryan got a standing ovation at my office and was called “One shot McGee” for quite a while (Mostly by me). 9 months later, I had a happy healthy baby boy and since I nursed him for a year, didn’t have to see the evil ‘Aunt Flo’ for 2 more years.
I had my period for maybe a year between children. Each month was like I was 13 again, getting it for the first time. I’m so inexperienced at having it that I forget what it does to a woman. Exactly 3 years after I had my first child, I wanted the second. Again, Ry knocked me up on the first try. He’s a baby making wizard. I’m convinced he could wink at me from across the room and impregnate me.
Time passed and Josh was born 7 months ago. Since I’d had a breast reduction (more on that another time) my milk didn’t come in, so Josh hits the bottle for his feedings like a good little Irish boy. My body is starting to try to regulate itself, so I’ve had about 3 periods since his birth.
I HATE MY UTERUS. I think it’d fairly obvious I have my period now. Woke up with it. Woke up after a series of miserable nightmares where I was in fetal position clutching my belly as I was tortured by garden gnomes in my sleep. I feel fat, hungry and I lack any compassion or adoration for anyone. I’ve never been so happy to take my toddler to school. I hate my uterus.
I’m so bitchy I don’t even feel like talking about this anymore. Stupid uterus. Where’s the Motrin….
*I’d like to add, my 3 yr old just got home from school and ran upstairs. He must’ve noticed my mood because he just asked (and I’m not making this up) “Mom? Do you need a tampon?”
19 Comments
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OMG, you poor thing! I complain about having a period all the time (my chant is “Let’s go, menopause!”), but I have to say I have it really darn easy compared to you.
I had a doc thought I had endometriosis one time; luckily, that wasn’t the case. But I do have a low uterus, so everytime I have my period, it feels like I’m pregnant.
Hugs, honey!
We have lots in common. Wow, I have the evil endo and after my second child I BEGGED my doctor for a hysterectomy. She refused and told me I’m to young. She’s right I am, but I have gone through menopause, been on all kinds of different drugs to control the pain.
I feel for you. What is your second child’s birthday, Mine is March 19th.
I had trouble getting pregnant with the first. It took us three years. We started treatments and luckily the first thing we tried worked. I had my tubes flushed and then I was pregnant. The second came so fast I was in shock. So now I have two children 14 months apart and I can’t imagine another child.
At least for now my IUD seems to be keeping Endo at bay. I have cramps and back ache but I don’t wish for death or curl up in the floor as tight as can be. I hope it works.
Louise
Great post! I’m so glad I don’t suffer with that..but i have had several friends that do! I have so many stories I could go on and on about that though! Whew!
I feel so bad for you right now. I have to admit that I laughed when I read what your 3yr old said. That’s cute.
I hope you get back to your normal self soon.
Boring! You may hate you uterus, but i love your boobs:)
Thank you for sharing your story and congrats on having two healthy little ones!!!
I share your sentiments! Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I know this a women special info..i just wanna say that i really enjoy reading some information on coolmomguidedotcom so i subscribed to your feed…thanks
OMG…mom…do you need a tampon? YIKES!
I am sorry your period is such a pain in the ass, I mean uterus!
Your hubby is a patient man…married this long and only had sex 2 times! LOL!
Ouch. I hate your uterus on your behalf! Hope you feel better soon.
Sorry for your pain, just remember you have two beautiful children (funny ones too). Okay forget what I just said….you’re in pain!! So you have no pain or symptoms when you’re pregnant or not flowing?? If that’s the case then I have an answer lol. Just trying to put a little light on this tough subject.
Don’t know whether to laugh or cry, you’re that good at sharing your uterus saga. Sounds like you could write a novel just on health issues, I bet your journals are fascinating! LOL!
Don’t blame me
Take courage. Pole (sorry) for the pain. Thanks for sparking the conversation, for stopping by, and for sharing with moms who can relate. I know’ll be back for more…
Again – Pole! (Kiswahili for sorry).
It sounds like you’ve had an absolutely awful time with Endo. poor thing! I’ve got endo as well as Crohn’s disease which is not a very good mix at all. My periods have always been regular but extremely painful. I started Depo Provera in April and have since been without periods which of course means no evil cramping pain. I don’t know if you’ve tried depo, but it might be worth looking into.
I have it too… and I too was blessed with children after being told that it would never happen. If it weren’t for that, I’d hate mine too!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I too have endo, had laproscopy to dig out a ton and to get rid of all the scar tissue it had caused. It’s been 11 years since then and I’m miserable again. I had an ablasion done so I don’t bleed anymore which has been awesome. But now I have IBS symptoms and different things going on.
I too got pregnant with both kids at the mere look in an eye. ROFL I’ve tried to hold of on a hysterectomy because I know it’s not a cure and they will have to take both ovaries to get it to even do anything. Going on some kind of hormones is not an option for me as my Aunt had breast cancer at 40 and I won’t risk it. At only 35 I am so tired of feeling bad. I feel bad for my awesome hubby that puts up with me and my achy and cranky.
I’ve heard of endometriosis. Known people who’ve had it. But I never, ever had a clue as to the full extent of the torture until reading your post. My God, you poor woman. That you can still write about it with your characteristic touches of humor is a great testimony to your character.
I want to applaud you for another reason, too. Far too often, “female” problems are kept hush-hush and never discussed in a frank, open manner. I think many times, our unwillingness to talk keeps the fear internalized and gives each subsequent sufferer the idea that she’s the only one going through this.
Thanks to you, endometriosis sufferers always will have a resource, a place to turn to know they’re not alone.
Outstanding post!
I too have endometriosis and suffer the oh so wonderful effects. I had it all lasered off a year after my youngest was born. My dr. wanted me to have the brand new Di Vinci hysterectomy done over the summer. I had it scheduled, but upon reading many, many articles decided against it. Basically it just sucks being a woman!