Hi dad!

I love you so very, very much.  Just ask any of our 327 mutual friends, they know!  Growing up you taught me about music, movies and books.  You helped twist my brain into the creative genius it is now.  We used to theater hop all day, going from movie to movie, sneaking soda and candy in then we’d walk around the mall and make fun of people as we shopped.

I’d bail on school during my free periods and come have lunch with you and you’d sit and listen just as you do now as I bitch about everything going on in my world.  I only remember you yelling at me once – we were at a movie and you thought I wiped my nose on your shirt.  I didn’t, I had an itch.

In honor of you, I’m going to post some of my favorite Facebook comments you’ve tossed up on both of our walls recently because you make me (and everyone else) laugh so hard, I often find myself reading everything you say out loud.  I hope your birthday is as wonderful as you are and I’m super duper glad you took part in creating me.

Bob Beechinor says-

• I bet one of the best things about living in ancient times was being able to push somebody off the edge of the world.
• I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone.
• I lost my mood ring! I’m not sure how this makes me feel.
• I don’t remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there’s a chance I’m magical.
• It’s funny how, if you carry a clipboard and walk around a hospital wearing a lab coat, people will just give you free urine samples.
• Fun tip: After complimenting someone, wait a beat and then yell, NOW YOU GO.
• I believed in raising polite, well-behaved children, if only so that they would be invited to sleep over other kids’ houses more frequently.
• The plural of vagina is Kardashians.
• When a baby is born, the doctor should get everyone to sing Happy Birthday.
• I think Extra Virgin Olive Oil looks at Regular Olive Oil and says, “You slut!”
• J. K. Rowling should write 1 more book where Harry returns to Hogwarts as an adult to teach an unruly group of sweathogwarts wizards: “Welcome Back Potter”
• I made straight A’s in high school. My B’s were kind of gay though.
• I used to be anti-gravity, now I think it’s OK.
• A slut is simply a woman with the morals of a man.
• It’s so cold out today that I saw some gangsters with their pants pulled up.
• After being discovered still alive by scientists, a 34,000-year-old bacteria promptly announced its engagement to a 24-year-old Playmate.
• In a new reverse psychology study, psychologists asked participants not to participate in the study.
• Getting a haircut must have been pretty intense before scissors were invented.
• If you can’t be part of the solution, insist on being most of the problem.
• How dare you diagnose me with amnesia! Do you have any idea who I am?
• When someone says “let me make myself clear” I secretly hope they are about to attempt invisibility.
• I try to treat my step ladders as if they were my very own ladders.

I hope you all enjoyed the words my father hath spewed forth unto the walls of Facebook, I know I have and hope to continue to do so for another billion years.  I love you shitloads dad, I hope today is a great day for you.  I also hope tomorrow is as well, because you should have great days even when they’re not all about you.

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