Random Tuesday Thoughts. Farts and Strudel.
Friggin’ Toaster Strudel. Why must you taste so good? Why must you cause a grating sound in my ears as my child begs for (another) one that I know he’ll take two bites of and leave to waste?
Skin? Why do you still treat me like I’m 13 years old? Two children and a hysterectomy later, don’t you think you should maybe clear up now? Asshole.
My 18 month old just dumped a bag of cereal on the carpet, but he’s being quiet. Which road should I take? I vote to ignore it and write this post. I’m sure the dog will get it up after he’s done with it.
I head back to Syracuse next week so expect me to be a shitty commenter again. I’ll do my best but life is going to get busy. I’m slapping on a purple bridesmaid dress and heading to my best friends wedding. Woot! Thank god for Spanx!
I’m surrounded by men. All men do is fart. I spend my day cleaning, sniffing farts and throwing a football. The other day, I cooked something that made everyone a bit, well, gassy. I swear I blew one so hard I felt my thong shift.
I’ve been holding on to that little nugget (no pun intended) for days. I didn’t even want to tell my hubs that one, it was too good.
Are my kids supposed to annoy me this bad? My four year old is becoming a major pain in my ass. He does what I say, lest he fear my wrath, but everyone else gives him what he wants. I’m constantly saying “no” and look like a psycho asshole and everyone else is catering to his every whim.
He wants every single thing he sees on TV. Granted, that’s probably my fault, the infomercial gene is in my blood, but it’s driving me crazy. He’s watching Nick yesterday and sees a Binderoos commercial. He wants to have them. He then sees a theme park commercial and he begs to move in there.
Following that, he sees a Nationwide Insurance commercial and insists he needs someone “on his side”. He’s FOUR YEARS OLD, PEOPLE.
I asked him what he was going to be when he grew up. I jokingly asked if he planned on being a politician and he said, “Well, do Politicians give lots of toys to babies?”, and I laughed and said that they probably did. It was at that point he insisted on being a Politician and now feels all his begging for toys on TV will go to a good cause eventually.
I don’t like using ” marks. I never know where to put the punctuations. I’m trying to write a book and it’s annoying the shit out of me. I think plot and detail is cake, it’s the dialogue that kills me.
So does starvation. I’m going to eat some breakfast, take my kid to school and take a nap while the baby does-er, I mean comment back on everyone.
I’d like to take a second to thank every one of you for your kind words and support. I’m in a pretty fucked up place right now and I read every comment on this site and the social networking sites we’re all on and each one held great meaning to me. You’re wonderful friends and are very appreciated.
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and….it’s fixed.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Julie Maloney. Julie Maloney said: Random Tuesday Thoughts. Farts and Strudel. on http://bit.ly/1ayu6R [...]
Yay! I meant to comment earlier, but couldn’t.
.-= Erica´s last blog ..What do you daydream about? =-.
Woot! I occasionally have felt my thong “shift” too, lol.
.-= NeCole@Eclectic Ecstasy´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts – If It’s Tuesday, this must be Random =-.
Absolute truth…swear to God. When my oldest son was about 4 he would always ask for everything he saw on tv. I didn’t want to spoil him so I would tell him no, you can’t have that or maybe or occasionally yes. Then I realized what difference does it make what I tell him. I’m either going to buy it or I’m not but telling him yes will definitely shut him up.
So, from then on whenever he saw one of the gazillion toy commercials they air on tv every single day and would look at me with those big brown eyes and ask if I would get it for him…the answer would be…yes, baby..mommy will get it for you.
By the time the next commercial rolled around…he’d already forgotten about what he’d asked for 10 minutes prior…
Hi Julie,
I was on my way to get the kids from the bus when I read you tweet with the title of this post. I couldn’t resist and had time to read up to the part about the dog eating the cereal (love dogs for that – I have 2!) I was laughing ….could so relate to the bizarreness of life with kids.
So I just came back to read the rest of the post. I didn’t realize you were dealing with craploads of stuff right now. I hope things start to level out soon. And I didn’t mean to be glib with my tweet about this post being hilarious, I obviously should read something in its entirety and get the context before commenting…
Kindly,
Charlotte
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..Getting Over the Hump of Camel Pose (Ustrasana) =-.
Dude, I bow down to your gas blowout.
Last night I wrote a post, I should have called it random Tuesday, but it was more of a rant about my own health issues. Maybe it will cheer you up a bit. By the looks of your post you could still use a little cheer. Hopefully your BFF’s wedding will bring a few smiles
.-= Louise´s last blog ..I felt my stomach twitching and I thought I was pregnant =-.
Random Tuesday Thoughts: Cardboard underwear robot phalanx stops for chicken salad shakes and grotto-burgers. A goat humps a sun-dial: the signal! Ambush! Ed Hardy wears my t-shirts. Death Panel decisions should be punctuated with a gong. Hark, the hunt is afoot. Load a bagel! Get a saddle on Betty White! Ah! Phonebook owners! Behind the roast beef curtains! Fire! Grid your loins or gird your lions. Don’t get up. I’ll see myself out…
Don’t we all need someone “on our side”??
.-= Keely´s last blog ..I bet I know how they’re planning to ship my million dollars: Random Tuesday Thoughts =-.
Wait till your kids become teenagers. You haven’t seen anything yet
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..I Challenge You to Leave 1000 Comments!!!!!!! =-.
Woot, comments are working! I’m glad you can let them rip with the best of them, I can too. But I won’t in public, I only torture my family with them.
Hope all is good over there.
I stay away from eating those LOUD foods.
Kids…. enjoy this stage now – wait till the teen and beyond are with you, you’ll crave for these days back.
Women fart?? Who knew?? LOL
.-= OTIN´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts =-.
My daughter did the same shit when she was that age. Every single commercial had something advertised that she just HAD to have. My stock answer was always, “I’ll think about it.” Then, the little stinker got to the point where she’d write down the 800 number and follow me around with her notebook begging me to call for her.
So, yeah – ummm, have fun with that! HA!
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Body Currency =-.
yeah… I’ve learned to just let the cereal on the floor go. If I force myself to get it right away, more junk just joins it.
.-= Storm´s last blog ..Random Thoughts Tuesday – Ka-BOOM! =-.
Happy Tuesday!! 4yrolds are talkers, they just keep talking… PITA? totally
.-= kyooty´s last blog ..Fall pictures =-.
did I mention I love you lately?
.-= bassackwards mom´s last blog ..Review & Giveaway – ReUsies =-.
I’m surrounded by farting boys too! LOL
.-= Karen @ If I Could Escape´s last blog ..Wordless/Wordful Wednesday . . . Happy Birthday to My Old Chum =-.
Your fart story cracked me up. I have three boys – ages 4, and twin 2-year-olds. They are the stinkiest boys ever! My husband said, “Don’t worry, you only have to deal with this for about 20 years.”
I said, “Are you kidding me? By that time you’ll be an old man! I’ll never be free of this!!!”
Anyway… Love your blog! Hang in there, Julie!
.-= Christina @ Northern Cheapskate´s last blog ..Reflections on the 30 Days With No Soda Challenge =-.
Stopping by from Frugal Mom Knows Best. You crack me up. And yes, the thong joke was a good one.