RTT: Do You Hear The Words Coming Out Of My Mouth?
You shouldn’t. I’m writing. My mouth is full of coffee.
SO. This is my best friend Courtney.
She is the most beautiful, upbeat, all-around wonderful girl I know. Isn’t she white? Like friggin’ porcelain. She doesn’t read me so I can go on and on and on about her. She’s a dancer and makes me look as white as she is. I’m not even a two-stepper. I’m a hip shaker. It’s really all I need to do. Stripper dance and I’ve got everyone hooked. Then she comes in and does some crazy shit and throws my hip shaking off whack and I’m left standing there waiting for her to grab me, spin me and dip me.
Back on point before I switch topics completely. Her entire life she has been haunted by Elton John – glasses and all – chasing her around the world naked. Bare ass naked. She made the mistake of telling me and Tim (I have a posse – Sarah, Court and Tim. The four of us hang constantly and are the best of friends. We all talk and text and Facebook and Tweet incessantly and have yet to annoy each other. Give it time) and since then Timothy and I have made it a point to text and tweet her all the pictures of Elton John possible. This one scared all of us - IF YOU ARE CONSERVATIVE (why would you read me) OR SCARED OF NAKED ELTON JOHN DO NOT CLICK MORE -
It’s him.
So did this one -
I was born in 1977. Court-tastic was born in 1990. No shit. 20 friggin’ 1. I can see where he’s haunted her his whole life. Who am I to complain. I’m petrified of sunflowers.
I want to have wild, dirty, not sweaty (that’s icky) sex with Norm MacDonald and I’m going to see if I can use my social networking prowess to make it happen. I’ll be writing about him soon.
He does a killer Burt Reynolds on SNL. Well he DID. Those asshats canned him because he was too good for the show. Now he has The Sports Show which is Weekend Update-ish only he hasn’t mentioned crack whores or murder. Give it time. Do me Norm. Just once. You might want to do me again. I’d be willing. I seriously just want a drink and make out session.
How long after a separation does one wait to date? I moved out in December.
How does one date?
Ooh! I like adding pictures. It makes my post look both longer and substantial.
I stubbed my toe and cracked the toenail and I’m considering using my sweet ninja moves to use it as a weapon.
I’m donating three huge boxes of food I raised for the needy to my local Food Bank today. I’m taking a tour. Expect a blog about that.
One last thing.
SHIELD YOUR EYES FATHER. THEY MIGHT BLEED.
Deep discounts. Heh.
Due to my need for orgasm I have started checking out EdenFantasys.com. I went shopping there a few weeks ago and being that I lack the knowledge necessary to purchase one of the gazillion happy fun toys they have to git’cho groove on (apparently by yourself or with others), I need a hand (well not a hand per say or I wouldn’t be writing this). If you have no ish checking out love (sex) gadgets could you please recommend something suitable that I may use? I constantly hear about The Rabbit. I’m thinking I might take a look in honor of the Easter Bunny.
That was wrong. Ish.
13 Comments
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Gah!!! My retinas will NEVER erase the image of nekked Elton John….*shivers*
Giggling about “deep discounts”…
Yes I am childish like that.
have a kick-ass Tuesday!
Kristine´s last [type] ..Random Tuesday & freebie 12
I’m surprisingly not disturbed by the Elton John pic. Now I am worried about THAT…
Claire´s last [type] ..Random Tuesday – So Much on My Plate edition
Now I have to get the image of Naked Elton burned off of my retinas, Julie! The was one pic we all did not have to see! Ha!
Barb´s last [type] ..Happy Easter!
The only thing scarier than Elton John on the Muppets, was Sylvester Stallone. Yes, he did do an episode of the muppets. Scary stuff.
VandyJ´s last [type] ..Tuesday and the Random
I saw Norm’s show the other day… at least about two minutes of it before I had to change it. BTW, I’m conservative, like reading your ramblings, and just skipped right on over that pic of the naked English dude.
Using a vibrator is fine and dandy.
But it won’t pull your hair.
Dr. B.´s last [type] ..AFRAID TO WATCH THE NEWS- MILLIONS TURN TO FOX
I fucking DIE every time I read you. Jesus you are hilar!
The bunny is AWESOME! But I also am pretty happy with my egg. So Easter spends a lot of time with me in the bedroom (heh!)
As for Elton… I expected worse… Whew!
Norm? I can see that.
That naked Elton John pic is very disturbing. My eldest daughter’s name is Courtney. EdenFantasys rocks. The Rabbit is the BOMB. I go through so many batteries the Energizer Bunny sends me a thank you note every Easter.
Raven´s last [type] ..Totally Tickled about Rampant Randomness-Random Tuesday Thoughts
Elton John scares me, too.
Here’s hoping Norm will hear your plea and do you.
And in case I haven’t told you lately, you ROCK!
Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)´s last [type] ..Easter Egg FAIL- Basket Win- Angry Birds Addiction- Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel
Wow, EJ naked was shocking. Have fun at the Food Bank!
Laufa´s last [type] ..RTT- Kidsfest
Nekkid Elton John should be an internet meme (if it isn’t one already, that is). Those pictures are fucking hilarious!
I have been hearing about this Rabbit thing for years. One of my besties swears by it, but IDK :/
Lex´s last [type] ..Random Tuesday Thoughts Vol 24 – The Boulder Punch!
Out for late-night Starbucks with “new guy”. We’re talking about picking up a bottle of wine for some late night fun when he asks me if I have a rabbit. So I say – Well yes…why do you ask? To which he replies something along the lines of if we don’t finish the bottle of wine, …and I’m thinking …is that a new way of asking will I take care of my own needs if for some reason he doesn’t, so I ask what exactly were you thinking? And he says, well I was thinking if you didn’t have one I could stop at my place and pick up mine. At this point I am truly baffled (and wondering if I’ve seriously made a mistake with this guy) when he looks at me funny and says “why…what were you thinking?” At which point I say, well I was kind of wondering why you had a vibrator at your home. After about 30 seconds of dead silence in the car he answers…well I was talking about that thing you use to re-cork a bottle of wine…you know…it’s called a rabbit…but hey if you want to go with the vibrator thing, I’m good with that too. Moral of the story?? Not all Rabbit’s are the same – shop carefully
Stefanie´s last [type] ..Ride The Brain Train- Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
Julie Reply:
April 27th, 2011 at 1:59 pm
OH MY GOD THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!