Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

Sup homies?

So life’s gradually getting easier.  Now that I’ve opened it up to everyone I don’t feel a huge weight on me and there’s a lot more peace and happiness in my world.  I want to thank Keely and Mary for carrying me through last week.  I didn’t have therapy until yesterday and I called last week to verify the appointment and I sounded like that kid at camp calling her parents, trying to keep it together but clearly crying on the other end of the line.  I’m not crying anymore.

In fact, I’m excited as hell.  I’m going to be traveling the world, beeotch!  I’ll get to spend nights in cities across the globe (probably on this side of it but that’s fine by me) and I’ll be able to tweet or Facebook where I am and you can pick me up and show me around!  I’m not going to be drinking unless I have days off because we’re not allowed to and I don’t break rules.  As random and obnoxious as I love to be, I don’t like breaking rules.  I don’t dig chaos.  Big difference between random and chaos.

Yesterday was meh daddie’s birthday.  I wanted to get him something badass but didn’t know what since he’s the type to just go get what he wants himself so I called up one of my best childhood friends who owns a shop called Becky’s Custom Creations and said my dad totally digs Crush and Peppermint Patties and she put this together -

Seriously, right?!  All I had to do was say I wanted to come up with something and she pulled this together.  She ships, people.  My DeeBird grew up in a flower shop and went on to open her own and she is simply amazing.  She weighs all of 100 pounds and that might have weighed half of her but she delivered it right to his door and I am so proud of us for coming up with that basket of awesome.  Totally.

I’m trying to make a conscious effort to drink my coffee while it’s still hot.  Basically that means I have to slam it when I pour it and that isn’t a good way to enjoy a cup of coffee so it seems I’ll have to deal with standing up every twenty minutes to reheat it.  That’s okay, it gives me energy and makes me poop so I feel like I’m losing weight.

Oh shit, hey!  I’m going to be on national TV this week!  I did a super duper short segment for this show called The Doctors with four of my friends testing out their 17 Day Diet.  The show is on CBS and it’s going to air on Friday the 28th so check your local listings, DVR it and wait until probably 3/4 of the way through.  You’ll see me because I’m awesome.

I feel like I’m slipping in the creativity department with everything I have going on lately.  All I’ve done is pour my soul out to all of you and I’m whelmed (not quite overwhelmed, I knew you’d be supportive because you love me) with the replies I’ve been getting but I’m a humor blogger and I need to find my funny so tackle me and start tickling or something.

Ooh!  Here’s another thing that’s helped me along the way – alcohol!  Stacy (The Random Cool Chick) from Stacy Uncorked has a website called Princess Nagger Wine & Gifts and knows all about the drama I’ve gone through since I started this website.  There are a handful of people who I’ve read and who have read me who know me very, very well and on a day I really needed something awesome to happen, a package with three bottles of awesome arrived at my door.  I drank this one last night -

I took that pic with my cell phone and I cleared the bottle basically myself shortly after and think I’m going to order a case of it because it was the single greatest wine I’ve ever tasted.  Ever.  It helped my mood tremendously!  Thanks, Stacy!  You are both random and cool!

I’m scaling back my reviews because I plan on being homeless soon so I won’t have anywhere to put my shit.  My goal is to be a flight attendant and I have no idea where I’m going to be at any one time so I’m condensing my review site with this one so if you’re waiting on a review, I’ll start blasting them out shortly.  Sorry for any delay.

Stalker van awareness month is at an all-time high.  I’m proud to say that all of you across the globe are taking notice that there is just more than one type of white van out there posing a threat to people everywhere.  Before, when someone would get taken you could only say “It was a white van” but NOW you can head on over to my stalker van Facebook folder to see the dozens of pictures that are being sent to me from across the world.  Granted, some of them don’t technically qualify because some have writing and aren’t white, but I appreciate everyone’s efforts and now they’re not only are they reinforcing the “stranger danger” concept to their family and friends, but everyone is thinking of me and are totally ready to specify which of these vans got sick of me following them around and took action.  Thanks to all of you for that.

THIS one not only has a van, but a supplimental carrying case!

I seriously am drawing a blank here, people.  Do you know how hard that is?  To actually draw a blank?  I’m sitting here in my mind with the song “Janie’s Crying” stuck playing in there (let’s change that tune, shall we?  Toss out something else for this iPod in my brain) and I have a little paintbrush and canvas and I’m trying to perfect how to draw a blank and it seems to be working because all of my attention is on that and no creativity is coming from my hands.  I’m hoping I can get my shit together in the next few days.  I’m coming to terms with all the changes and I’m starting to properly embrace them and I think I’m going to open myself back up to the world around me and cause some trouble.

I’m looking forward to telling you about it.

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