Choking The Chicken

I knew I should have wrote this this morning but I didn’t have the drive.  What happened to me the other day was so good I didn’t even Facebook it.  This is how it went down -

I was in my bathroom singing my songs all in my nakedness with just a towel in my hair when I decide I want a snack so I figured I’d go downstairs and have a Slim Fast drink.  I saunter down to the kitchen (I saunter everywhere I go unless I’m bouncing like a cheerleader), get my drink and turn and open the pantry door.

Now I decide I’m going to just drink the whole thing right there because I didn’t see the point in walking upstairs for a few sips I’d just have to throw away so I started rearranging some things in the pantry because the last time I got drunk I ate my roommates popcorn and when I replaced it he tried to give it back to me.  Just as I moved the box back over to his side I happen to look over to the right and what do I see? My roommate with a giant shit eating grin on his face!

He said he heard me singing so he knew I was home but he couldn’t see all of me until I came down to the actual fridge because of the vantage point he was at and he was just sitting there eating Bojangles chicken and he nearly choked on it when he saw me walk up.  Thinking it hilarious and pretty awesome because I’m hot, he decided to wait to see how long until I’d notice.

Once I did take notice I figured I had three options.  I could pull the towel down off my head and cover myself, run or just hang out and I figured it’d already been a solid two or three minutes so I just decided to hang out.  I leaned up against the door and had a conversation about popcorn as I finished up my drink.

Here’s where it gets better -

I was finishing up my hair (still naked) and I decided to yell down to Spence that this is too funny to not share with anyone and I bounded out of my bathroom expecting to yell down the stairs. Did that happen?  NO. Spence was at the top of the stairs with a look of shock on his face as he was buttoning up his shirt and he immediately held his arm out and said “I’ll be right down, mom!” to which I burst into laughter, took a peek over the railing and saw his mother standing down there.  Had it been just ten minutes later I would have gone for my slim fast while they were both downstairs and my music was so loud I wouldn’t have even known it.

I thought the story ended great with just that finale but fate decided to put some frosting on the cake (given this story, that sounds perverted).  I was walking in yesterday and was about three steps up from the top when m roommate came walking out holding clothes he was planning on putting in the laundry bare ass nekkid.  Holy hell I’ve never seen anybody turn and run so fast as he screamed “OH SHIT!” I guess he didn’t decide on option three like I did.

I literally fell to the floor.  We both were laughing hysterically with him on the other side of his bedroom door as I proclaimed our home an official nudist colony and said now that all that is out of the way we should just feel free to free-ball all we’d like.  After we were hanging outside talking to people the entire event was summed up in one sentence, “I choked on my chicken and then I choked my chicken!”

Only in my world people, only in my world.

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Written by Julie Maloney in: Adventures


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