Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

Please don’t kill my dog.  I love my dog.  Seriously.  There’s a reason I don’t put those cleaners in my toilet (someone did though).  Apparently he runs out of water and sometimes I don’t notice until I hear the echo of him drinking from the toilet.  First of all, I always want that bathroom door shut.  Secondly, I fucking love my dog so don’t poison him.  Okay, 2000 Flushes?  Don’t kill my dog?

I hate my new meds for sleep.  They not only take two hours to work, they wake me up every few hours because I have the most vivid dreams, I actually woke up laughing at one point.  Being an insomniac, it takes a lot to get me to fall back to sleep so I really have to concentrate on what I was dreaming about.  Here’s a taste of my dreams last night.  You think my life is random?  Check out what goes on behind the scenes.  I’m flashing between dreams and real life so try to keep up. (more…)

Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

I hate that feeling when you PLAN on getting up and 9 and leisurely lounge around the house, drinking coffee, letting the dog out and maybe cleaning up a bit but what actually happens it you open your eyes as you turn over and see it’s 11 and you jump out of bed, start brushing your teeth as you pee and rush down the stairs to make coffee, let the dog out, turn the computer on to work and look at the mess and think, “Yeah, that’ll have to wait.”

Give me songs.  Give me songs I know.  Popular songs to sing to.  I have a song list already, I sing some Eagles, some Alanis Morissette, Fugees and Dusty Springfield with the occasional Journey but most of us who sing karaoke regularly hate when people sing Journey.  We don’t want to hear “Sweet Caroline”, anything by Jimmy Buffet or the Piano Man. I need real songs I already know all the words to that are already popular in general, not generic stereotypical karaoke songs.  I think once I’ve had my fourth cup of coffee I’m going to listen to music.

Twice this week I forgot to pee in the shower. (more…)

Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

Okay, so I’m SO glad today is Tuesday for several reasons.  A) It’s not Monday B) I’m allowed to spew forth total bullshit in no particular order and C) I go out Tuesday nights and I”m super excited about it but I don’t want to see any alcoholic beverages for about a month, so I’m just going to sing and hang out with my friends.

Dude.

I made a total asshat out of myself July 4th.  I forgot that I wasn’t talking to all of you guys.  My life involves working online, traveling, doing that housework bullshit that sucks but has to be done and having one night a week out (Tuesday! YAY!) to sing.  What that means is that besides being able to be as obnoxious as I want to in a bar or online, I really shouldn’t be allowed to go to public events involving copious amounts of free alcohol at a proximity that doesn’t require a cab or driving.  All I had to do was be carried about twenty feet.

Holy fucktards,  that party was awesome.  The day after the party SUCKED.  I sent a neighbor-friend a text asking what her plans were for the day and she told me about what I didn’t remember doing the night before. It seems I started talking like I was on Facebook.  I think the things I was saying to the last people six people standing who were also hammered was absolutely inappropriate and most likely hilarious to me and you, but the following day when people were commenting on it they seemed to think it was less funny.  I also think it was misconstrued, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

I love my FedEx guy.  So does my dog. (more…)

Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

Eight years ago, I lost my best friend.  I’m dedicating today’s Random Tuesday Thoughts to Joey, because he did more random and spontaneous things than anyone I’ve ever met.

Joe took me to my first concert.  It was Genesis (with Phil Collins).  It was when the Jack Daniels alcoholic beverages were around, and I had myself a Texas Tea.  I’m pretty sure the concert was great – I don’t remember.

Joe shows up at my door with a 18 pack of beers and a golf club and tells me, “Let’s go!” and I went.  The next thing I know, we’re sneaking out onto a golf course playing golf in the  middle of the night.  We ended up doing that a lot. For years.

Joe was my best friend.  We were only friends, nothing more.  He was my brother.  He and my sister were together for quite some time and he was family, I want to make that clear. (more…)

Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

I don’t like cheese but I love grilled cheese.

The other day when I was in my shrinks office, I saw a huge sign with a fucking sunflower on it and the words “Depressed?” in bold.  I had to turn around and I thought to myself, “Thanks.  Now I’m depressed AND terrified.  Fucking evil sunflowers”.

On my flight back from E3, the dude sitting next to me was great.  I was talking about the earth quake I felt and he said I need to tell people I survived an earth quake because it sounds cooler.  We also killed a bottle of red and he passed out and knocked it all over the floor. (more…)