I know.  I started it. 

The Poke War

Back in March, I had a friend that would hit on girls.  He’d poke them.  I thought poking was the dumbest thing ever.  I had a few pokers.  I mostly ignored it.  I had some friends who I don’t really talk to anymore poke me from time to time just so they’d know they were thinking of me and a few random strangers would poke.  And Cara would poke.  Shit poked me hard and she poked me fast.  She just strapped her poke on and slammed me right up against the Face-wall.

So one day, I decided it would be absolutely fucking brilliant of me to start a poke war.  Bitches were gettin’ all up in my shit about me not poking them back so I said, “Let’s see what I’m made of.”

Considering the amount I was poked and the poking I gave back, I’m surprised I didn’t have an FB-STD after that day. (more…)

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This motherfucker wants me dead.

That’s right.  Dead.

That, my dear friends, is my stalker Frog.  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you’ve heard of him.  If you don’t follow me what the fuck dude?  Just look in my sidebar, there are all kinds of ways to stalk my ass.  Get on  it.   The Frog.  The Frog is so smart he refuses to show his face so I can’t pick him out in a police lineup. I’ve tried to take dozens of pics but I’m too scared to get too close to him, lest he attack with some venom.

If he was a toad I totally lick his back or some shit so I could trip my face off but whatever.

I wasn’t going to write this today but my mind is numb and I was told I’d probably write this today anyway.  His minions are doing his dirty work.  Rumor has it he’s watching me from afar and laughing at me as he poops on my neighbors porch. (more…)