Guest Post – Tell Me to Breastfeed One More Time and I Might Hurt You (Guest Post)
Maybe you’re a new mom, or maybe you’re a mom of teenagers, but I hope mothers of all stages can dig deep and appreciate this rant I have about breastfeeding.
I had my first kid last year. Ramping up to the delivery, of course I heard all the standard wise proverbs and read all the books I could get my hands on about being a new mom. I finally felt like I had my life somewhat together—I had a hubby who loved me and helped me make a nice home, though we weren’t in the billionaire’s club by any means. A life-long sufferer of an anxiety disorder, I could finally stand being at a party or other social function without feeling like I was slipping down some endless chasm never to return to reality. I’m a new writer, and a couple of my stories had actually been accepted by semi-reputable publishers. So, there I was, preggers, my life was going relatively decently, and I was ready to raise the shit out of this kid. I wanted to do all the good mom crap, except for of course, the mom jeans. I might have passed a watermelon out of my vag, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to become a sexless old bag.
Okay, so the stage is set; I’m there in my first pregnancy, where I want to do everything possible for my baby. And what is the one friggin’ mantra I am told a million times (and I’ll be glad if I never hear again): Breast is best. Breast is best, breast is best. It’s in all my mommy magazines, and all the latest research trumpets it again and again.
As my tummy ballooned out larger and larger, the midwife’s call to shove that boob in my future baby’s face was starting to make me want to cry. Why? Well a couple of reasons. One, I had to stop taking my cocktail of anti-anxiety meds during pregnancy, thus I was a bit on the crazy end. And two, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed, because as soon as I popped that thing out I needed to start taking my medication again. The thought of tackling new motherhood and trying to continue my writing work without keeping my anxiety under control was unthinkable.
I was sick of being silently labeled a bad mother because I knew I couldn’t breastfeed. I looked at a lot of the research that had been done about it, and nowhere in these studies do the authors take into account the mother’s health in the breastfeeding relationship. They also never consider what effect having a happier, less-stressed mom might have for her baby. And, after I did some of my own research, I learned that a lot of the “truths” I was reading in my mothering books were blown out of proportion; there was no evidence behind the fact that breastfeeding moms bond more or feel more attached to their infants.
While many new moms would love to breastfeed their infants 6-8 times a day, in reality, sometimes it just isn’t possible. Maybe they have to work, maybe they’re on medication. Maybe they just need sanity, and breastfeeding isn’t working out. And although I will be persecuted for saying so, not being able to breastfeed isn’t the end of the world for your baby, and it doesn’t mean you love them any less. Be the strong, beautiful bitch you are and do what you need to do for your baby and yourself, no matter what the peanut gallery is saying.
Emily Wilder is a blogger for An Apple A Day and is a writer specializing in nursing schools for Guide To Healthcare Schools.
11 Comments
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i am a mommy that breastfed my son, i do think that breast is best but i dont think that it is for every one or that mothers who dont do it or cant do it are horrible mothers. every mother that tries to be the best mother that they can be makes a great mother.
i love this blog. not every mother needs to do the things that other people think is right they should do things that they think is right.
check out my blog. http://jephs-mommystimeout.blogspot.com/
jennifer´s last [type] ..Potty Training
I think if babies were invisible, it would be even more awesome to watch breast feedings.
Dr. B.´s last [type] ..THE WISDOM OF TEAPARTY JESUS
Since I am a BFing supporter. I’ll just tell you that a lot of the information I’ve read over the last 12 yrs was geared to the health of the mother. Yes I am sure that your medication was not health for your child, but some are, so there are places to find the information. There was a book out when I was breastfeeding my son that detailed all the drugs that were on the market and hd been tested or were grouped into different categories. I can’t remember all the details. My oldest was A NICU, Thrush and Apnea baby. My second son was a revisit of the Thrush Monster and my 3rd son, Thrush again. I did a lot of research to find out just what we could and couldn’t take to continue breastfeeding as long as we were BOTH happy. And that’s the stickler. You BOTH are in this(sometimes more then 1 baby so maybe not just both is the words I should use) in the Partnership. If the baby isn’t gaining weight? not happy, you have to find a way to help. If Mom isn’t getting enough of a relax from the oxytosin (sp?) of breastfeeding and needs more medication? you have to look that up, find one that WORKS. If it works? And the baby can’t get fed, you find an alternative. It could be donated Breastmilk? Or Formula. Every step taken for Mom and Baby is a step for happiness and healthiness.
kyooty´s last [type] ..Public ish Service Announcement
Also remember that some medications? will say “not safe for Breastfeeding” for two reasons. 1 the company making the medication is scared of legal ramifications if we find out 10-20-30+yrs down the road it did do something. It’s A CYA (cover your Ass) sticker for your med bottles. Reason #2, a lot of the same companies that make medications? also make Formula, and formula? is a BIG money maker. I would be nice to see more firm controls and cheaper Formula for parents that need it. The same could be said for animal formula manufactures.
kyooty´s last [type] ..Public ish Service Announcement
Great article. I understand that breast is ideal but putting judgments on those who choose not to…for whatever their reasons…is just a terrible thing, imo. We have the right to make our own decisions and those that do not want to support us should keep their mouths shut!
Rachele´s last [type] ..Theme Hijacking- Parties and Pre School
I agree! My son was 5 1/2 weeks early and every doctor, nurse, etc. basicly told me I’d have to breast feed or I’d be killing him. Well, it just didn’t not work out. I tried a few times but it just was not in the cards. My son is now a happy, healthy senior in high school and believe….he is just fine. I was crazy enough after having him and the pressure was unbearable. I’m glad I stayed the strong bitch that I am. I think in the long run, my son is better for it.
I was a breastfeeding Mom of three. 1 for 9 months, 1 for 8 weeks and the last one for 11 months .. and as a breastfeeding Mom who felt it was best for me and my situation I couldn’t agree with YOU more on this post! Well said, enjoyed reading and good for you! I agree 100% that a happier mom is best for baby regardless of what food you prefer to feed your child, or have to feed your child. It’s your chance to be MOM screw what anyone else says. I do agree that people push breast feeding as if it’s the end of the world if you bottle feed, but like I said I breastfed the 2nd child for 8 weeks so what do you think he had after that? It was the point that this kid ate and ate and there was NO WAY I was going to have him hanging off my boob all day long, I had another child to raise too as well as things to do as a stay at home mother.
Love this post!
Brandy´s last [type] ..You Are Amazing
A. MEN! I have anxiety disorder too, and had a preemie for my first. She had no suck reflex at first, and therefor couldn’t breast feed!! I pumped for a while until I started having 30 minute-long panic attacks every time I heard the pump turn on.
I did end up breastfeeding my next two babies, but strangely enough, my first child has been the healthiest…. Hmmm, that goes against all the
propagandaI mean studies.Real Life Sarah´s last [type] ..How to Save Money on Groceries With “A Full Cup!”
What about those who didn’t want to. I’m tired of people assuming that I had some sort of medical condition that prevented me from bfing. I just didn’t feel comfortable with it so I didn’t. And guess what. My kids are healthy and happy and very much loved. I’m glad you wrote this because I think it’s no ones business but the parents what their decision is.
Kelly´s last [type] ..Random Tuesday Thoughts-
Julie Reply:
October 1st, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Hell yeah woman. You said it.
I agree with Kelly. I didn’t have any kind of medical reason for not bfing my 2 daughters. I also was just not comfortable with it. I am very close with my daughters so it obviously hasn’t effected the bonding. And I have noticed a lot of my friends who did bf have a lot of issues with their children being sick all the time. My kids are never sick. I think it’s fine whatever the mother chooses to do & what makes them comfortable.