If I had thought to get my pregnancy journal, I could have written about every day of my first pregnancy.  I’m thinking after I’m done talking about my second, I might take a look back and throw you some random baby days.

I got a book called “The Pregnancy Journal” and insisted on getting and writing in the same book with my second child.  I am the youngest of four and while I understand how hard it is to balance family and pregnancies, when my grandmother passed (it means died, not gas), we spent a week cleaning out her house.

What we found was about 6 billion pictures of the first born, 4.5 billion of the second, 2 billion of the third and approximately four pictures of me.  Four pictures.

My baby album, while adorable, actually has pictures of my sister in it because she and I looked so much alike at birth.  If I wasn’t told differently (by her), I would still believe it was  me.   It also contained pictures of my teenage brother skateboarding.  He must have needed an album to put pictures in and mine had plenty of space.

Not having any pictures didn’t diminish the love I felt growing up.  What it did was remind me when I got pregnant with Joshua that I needed to treat the pregnancies the same.

I told the story about my miscarriage before starting this one because I feel it’s an important piece of the story to tell because it absolutely ties in with this pregnancy.  Since I have this journal now, it’s going to be a much longer series, but I need a series to write and I’m pretty fucking funny so I’m going to go for it.

After I lost the baby, I stayed in Syracuse about two weeks like I usually do (but due to constant drama it will now be cut to one from now on) and I headed back home to Charlotte.   I arrived on July 16th and got knocked my ass up within three days of my return.  Trust me, I know.

One thing that struck me as odd is how all these things end up having a significant day involved in there for me somewhere.  I found out I was pregnant August 2nd, my ex’s birthday.  That gave me an indescribable feeling.  That’s all I’m going to say about that one.

It’s funny reading this journal because I’m whining about starting out 40 pounds heavier and this is my quote -
“I’m 40 pounds heavier cause I was just too lazy to lose it.  I tried but it would move.  This pregnancy I HAVE to eat right and exercise.  Have to.  UGH.”

To involve the big bro, we got matching “Big Brother/Little Brother” shirts that I hope someone has a picture of somewhere, because my hard drive shit on my face and I lost everything but Jacob was and still remains a very involved and fantastic big brother.

This is getting long but I have to throw a bit in before I continue on to the first trimester.  When the journal asked me what hopes and dreams I had for my baby, I replied “I only want my children healthy and happy.  I also never want them to leave me or grow up.”

While the first statement of course remains the same, I clearly didn’t know what it was like to have to raise more than one child.

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