Oh shit dude, I almost walked out the door without posting.  This will probably be quick, I’m off to go all vamp.  I’ve felt like absolute dog shit because I had an allergy attack that lasted two friggin’ days.  Unbelievable.

So a little girl and her mom are walking in the park and they see two dogs fucking.  She asks what they’re doing and her mother says they’re making a cake.  A few days after that the mother and daughter see dragonflies going at it and when the little girl asks again the mother once again says they’re making a cake.  The following morning the little girl said “Oh!  You and Daddy made a cake last night!”  When the mother asked how she knew that the little girl replied “Because I saw frosting on the couch and licked it off.”

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So the other day I was talking to the best looking individual I’ve ever seen in person about how awesome it is to be both good looking and smart.  I’m hoping it was a reciprocal conversation because I was totally talking about the both of us.

I love my friends.  They’re all beautiful and smart and funny and I’m honored to be in their lives.

I think this confidence I’ve been getting lately is stemming from the ridiculous amount of attention I’m getting from young attractive men.  I’ve always been moderately vain and narcissistic and I’m pretty proud of that because I think we should all embrace our qualities but lately I’ve had men from ages 20 and up taking interest in me and I’m worlds beyond flattered.  I have to watch how I handle things though because it appears as though I have allergies to people.

No shit.

I’m allergic to people who wear cologne.

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I’m a rock star and someone saw this picture and asked if the little line above my jeans was bush (friggin’ perv).  No, it’s my C-section scar.  Dur.  I don’t have a story to write because I just spent nine hours busting ass making a TON of money, raising good cash for the St. Jude Charity drive we have going and getting people hammered.  I love getting people hammered.  I’m SO GOOD at it.  I have no desire to drink.  I get people to drink, I flirt and I get money.  It’s like being a hooker without having to screw anyone.

Anyway, it’s time to get to know me by answering a few random questions I pulled up from somewhere.  Let’s see what I’m made of -

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Holla.

So I haven’t really checked in with you other than to make fun of people and tell you about my future endeavors.   That there above is the Chop Shop.  It seems I’m going there on Wednesdays now.  For those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, it turns out a friend of mine knows someone who takes people naked skydiving.  Holds four world records for it.

I will accomplish the tasks set forth on my “Fuck it list” and I plan on making the dive next spring.

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