Because I make a lot of people really uncomfortable when I tell them the same things I tell you.

Woo-eee!

You should see the looks I get when I start running my mouth.  It actually inspires me to take it a step further and really amp up the conversation.

Person: “Hi! Nice to meet you, attractive woman.  What do you do for a living?”

Me: “I’m a blogger.  I like to say writer because the word ‘blogger’ makes is sound like I’m vomiting on my screen.”

Person: “OH!  That’s great!  What kind of things do you blog about?”

Me: “Me”

Person: “Oh, you?  What kind of things about you?” (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

Yeah, so…um…sorry blog.  I was upset and I took it out on you.  I’ve been doing nothing but bitching about my daily life, sucking everyone into my drama and when I lost my kitty my world just crumbled.  I flipped out.

I’ve since deleted that blog post as my mood has completely changed.  I sat outside for a while today, crying and trying to hone in on my kitty locating senses when I finally heard him cry.  He was stuck in the woods.  I swear I looked there a dozen times, but I don’t know if he had wandered deep into them and had just made his way home or if my awesome cat-whisperer powers brought him back to me.

I actually think it’s the kids.  Every day after school the kids play outside but the past few days it’s been raining so we’ve all been trapped indoors.  It wasn’t until the kids got home from school and they started talking that Apollo (BSG rocks) started talking too.

I was heading to the bus stop to get my son when I heard him – “Meow! Mom! Mom I’m here!”

I stopped, knowing full well my neighbor might have to bring my son to me because I was about to venture deep into the woods to rescue my little lion.

Excitedly calling out his name I removed my sunglasses and scanned the woods to see where he was calling from.  Then I spotted him in a mud puddle frozen still.  He wouldn’t answer to my tiny kisses I was sending to him.  Paralyzed with fear, my kitty simply looked at me and called my name. “Meow!” (Seriously, I’m the cat whisperer.  I speak kitty – insert your wise ass jokes in the comment section below).

Without thought I trudged through the brush and muck to reach into the trees and pull Apollo from the mud.  Claws out and fur ruffled, he’s lucky I rescue animals and know the proper way to grab a terrified cat or he would have shredded me and I would have drop kicked his ass deeper into the woods.

Holding him close to me, I walked back through the woods yelling triumphantly to all of the neighbors that my precious kitty has returned.  I had saved the day!  I’m a hero!

So here we are, once again sitting outside soaking up the southern sun as the children play.  I put the picture above on Facebook and all of my wonderful friends are celebrating with me and for that I thank you.  Apollo is by my side on the driveway as I type this, rolling around and singing a little kitty tune.

“Meow!”

And so it ends.  I’m not pissed off.  Yes, if you got a glance at the post I blasted out an hour before you might have read a little bit about my frustrations but after the events of today and this glorious end to what could have been a tragedy I know that I can take life one day at a time and get through all life is throwing my way.

Ahh…

Wasn’t he cute?

Go Random. Go To The Un Mom. Right Now. Well, Read This First. Then click this. She's hawt.

Sup homies?

So life’s gradually getting easier.  Now that I’ve opened it up to everyone I don’t feel a huge weight on me and there’s a lot more peace and happiness in my world.  I want to thank Keely and Mary for carrying me through last week.  I didn’t have therapy until yesterday and I called last week to verify the appointment and I sounded like that kid at camp calling her parents, trying to keep it together but clearly crying on the other end of the line.  I’m not crying anymore.

In fact, I’m excited as hell.  I’m going to be traveling the world, beeotch!  I’ll get to spend nights in cities across the globe (probably on this side of it but that’s fine by me) and I’ll be able to tweet or Facebook where I am and you can pick me up and show me around!  I’m not going to be drinking unless I have days off because we’re not allowed to and I don’t break rules.  As random and obnoxious as I love to be, I don’t like breaking rules.  I don’t dig chaos.  Big difference between random and chaos.

Yesterday was meh daddie’s birthday.  I wanted to get him something badass but didn’t know what since he’s the type to just go get what he wants himself so I called up one of my best childhood friends who owns a shop called Becky’s Custom Creations and said my dad totally digs Crush and Peppermint Patties and she put this together -

(It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

Hi dad!

I love you so very, very much.  Just ask any of our 327 mutual friends, they know!  Growing up you taught me about music, movies and books.  You helped twist my brain into the creative genius it is now.  We used to theater hop all day, going from movie to movie, sneaking soda and candy in then we’d walk around the mall and make fun of people as we shopped.

I’d bail on school during my free periods and come have lunch with you and you’d sit and listen just as you do now as I bitch about everything going on in my world.  I only remember you yelling at me once – we were at a movie and you thought I wiped my nose on your shirt.  I didn’t, I had an itch.

In honor of you, I’m going to post some of my favorite Facebook comments you’ve tossed up on both of our walls recently because you make me (and everyone else) laugh so hard, I often find myself reading everything you say out loud.  I hope your birthday is as wonderful as you are and I’m super duper glad you took part in creating me.

Bob Beechinor says-

• I bet one of the best things about living in ancient times was being able to push somebody off the edge of the world.
• I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone.
• I lost my mood ring! I’m not sure how this makes me feel.
• I don’t remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there’s a chance I’m magical.
• It’s funny how, if you carry a clipboard and walk around a hospital wearing a lab coat, people will just give you free urine samples.
• Fun tip: After complimenting someone, wait a beat and then yell, NOW YOU GO.
• I believed in raising polite, well-behaved children, if only so that they would be invited to sleep over other kids’ houses more frequently.
• The plural of vagina is Kardashians.
• When a baby is born, the doctor should get everyone to sing Happy Birthday.
• I think Extra Virgin Olive Oil looks at Regular Olive Oil and says, “You slut!”
• J. K. Rowling should write 1 more book where Harry returns to Hogwarts as an adult to teach an unruly group of sweathogwarts wizards: “Welcome Back Potter”
• I made straight A’s in high school. My B’s were kind of gay though.
• I used to be anti-gravity, now I think it’s OK.
• A slut is simply a woman with the morals of a man.
• It’s so cold out today that I saw some gangsters with their pants pulled up.
• After being discovered still alive by scientists, a 34,000-year-old bacteria promptly announced its engagement to a 24-year-old Playmate.
• In a new reverse psychology study, psychologists asked participants not to participate in the study.
• Getting a haircut must have been pretty intense before scissors were invented.
• If you can’t be part of the solution, insist on being most of the problem.
• How dare you diagnose me with amnesia! Do you have any idea who I am?
• When someone says “let me make myself clear” I secretly hope they are about to attempt invisibility.
• I try to treat my step ladders as if they were my very own ladders.

I hope you all enjoyed the words my father hath spewed forth unto the walls of Facebook, I know I have and hope to continue to do so for another billion years.  I love you shitloads dad, I hope today is a great day for you.  I also hope tomorrow is as well, because you should have great days even when they’re not all about you.