…Hate me because I know it.

That was my senior year yearbook quote.  It had nothing to do with vanity, I put it because I thought it was hilarious.  It was because of that Pantene commercial that chick from Weird Science was in.

What I wanted it to be was “If I was gay I’d turn myself on”.

I’m popular.  It’s a thing for me.  I’ve been a published writer since I was 14.  I have a category called  Weekend Flashback Series where I scanned in the pictures from the articles I wrote and I transcribed the them into this blog.  I was pretty fucking funny as a kid.

I’m a humor writer.  I know I’m funny.  I’m also me.  I use this blog as a diary the entire world can read.  I’m awesome, right?  Of course I am.  You make me awesome.  I’m going to let you all in on a little secret -

I HAVE TERRIBLY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

Yeah. I’m adorable.

So hey.  What’s up?  Me?  Not much.  I’m just sitting at a super tiny useless computer that can’t run any programs or attach to any software while my laptop is in the shop.  Just got word I’ll have it no later than the 4th.

I’m having my tonsils and a whole bunch of other shit removed on the 5th and I’m not kidding when I tell you that although I’m just now starting to get worried about the operation because I woke up with a sore throat and know it’s going to be about a billion times worse, the only thought I’ve had in my head is “Will I have my computer? I REALLY need to get back on Twitter.”

To top that off, my camera on my BlackBerry died and I had to take it to Verizon.  They said they’d need about twenty minutes so I thought I’d run and do a few errands.

Holy hell I’m an addict. (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

Okay so I’m having an operation a week from tomorrow and I have NO IDEA how long it’s going to be before I feel like going out.  I know I always feel like writing so even though I know I’m going to be in absolute misery, I’m going to write and social network as much as possible so I’m kind of looking forward to it.

What I don’t know is when I can sing again.

*Wah*

Since I know it’ll probably be a few weeks before I get out of the house, I’m going out every night this week.  I don’t drink.  After the pneumonia came back two weeks ago I decided I’m done with drinking.  When I drink I smoke and if I smoke I choke and die.

After last night, I am SO GLAD I don’t drink.  Bars are so much more fun (unless you work at one they say) when you’re sober.  I’m not that easily annoyed, I have a five and two year old so drunk people are more amusing than annoying.  (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)