(It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

My veins have decided to play “fuck the needle” and make finding a vein impossible to IV me.  I’ve had 3 IV’s and no shit, about 10 needle pokes to both arms.  They finally had to pull in the big guns over at anesthesia into my room.  I told them to make a race of it and see who can tread a vein first and they each took an arm.

Then I said, “Why don’t you guys knock me out and poke me, that’s what I told my husband to do on our first date and it worked for him.”

Sha-zam!

Let me tell you what, someone, somewhere is paying my house off for me.  How do I go in for a one night stay hysterectomy and end up near death with pneumonia with blood transfusions?

Thank you, Twitter.  I started tweeting before the operation started and tweeted through the neglect and tweeted when I was conscious.    Thanks to all my friends, who emailed, IM’d, Facebooked and Tweeted right back to me.  I plan on generating a giant thank you post and thank you all that way soon.  Right now, I’m 2 finger typing because I have a heart monitor on one hand and an IV in another.

Jenn, next time I see you I’m making out with you.  With tongue.  Just saying.

I got up out of bed and smelled something awful,  then realized it was me.  My husband came with a goodie bag of toiletries for me but forgot a few very important staples-underwear, deodorant and a razor. (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

I don’t have much to report, but I’ve never missed a Fitness Friday before, and I’m not missing it this week.  As you’re reading this, I’m in the hospital recovering from a hysterectomy and whatever else they decided to take out while they were in (fingers crossed for a tummy tuck, too).

I have been power-eating like every day is my last day on earth.  I have been told I can’t have sex for 10 more weeks (on top of the 3 I’ve been grounded already) and between my lack of (I’m it’s biggest fan) and my hormonal surges from this uterus trying to rip itself from my body, I have been craving chocolate like it’s nobodys business.

I’ve had rolos, hershey’s, frosting, cookies.  Then there’s the burgers, fries, bacon.  Oh, baby, I’m feelin’ sorry for me and I’m eating my way through it.  The upside is that I poo when I’m anxious, so I haven’t really gained any weight.  That’s right.  I’m talking poo.  Shit, we talk about me dropping ovaries and peeing the shower.  Let’s talk poo. (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

Today, I am in the hospital having a total hysterectomy.  They’re taking the works.  My parts are broken and I hurt so they need to go.  If anything bad comes out of it, I (or someone) will let you know.  @SuperJennBlogs will be tweeting and I’ll do my best to regain consciousness so I can Tweet and Facebook my status updates as soon as possible.  In the meantime, I’m going to post 13 weird ass things about me.

1. I cut the ends off my chicken tenders because I was once told they were real fingers and I didn’t want to eat the nails.
2. I’m petrified of escalators.  It takes me about 15 minutes to step on one.
3. I’m equally as petrified (if not more so) of clowns and sunflowers.  They both make my head hurt.
4. I hold tweezers when I read.
5. I refuse to close cereal boxes properly.  I know I should, I just choose not to.
6. I have to have my inbox empty.  Cell and email.  I can’t stand seeing piled up emails (JENN).
7. If I see or hear the sound of teeth being brushed, I throw up (I use an electric AND run the water).
8. I can’t watch scary movies because I end up dreaming I die every time.
9. I’m allergic to all narcotics in the opiate family (payback from college?)
10. I can’t climax unless my legs are straight. (TMI?)
11. I won’t eat anything off a bone.  (Ribs, wings, etc)
12. I’ve never had cheesecake.
13. I refuse to eat anything that comes from a body of water.

I was blog surfing a few weeks ago and while at one of my favorite blogs, I noticed they wrote a stellar review on the Peter Rabbit Organic Fruit Puree pouches.  I left her a comment about how I thought that it’d be perfect for me and lucky for me, I was contacted by the company itself to try them for myself!

About a week later, a few pouches of the various flavored organic fruit pouches arrived at my door.  They lasted all of about 5 minutes because both of my children AND my husband tore right into them.

I don’t allow juices and candy in my house (unless I’m hormonal but then I don’t share).  My children consider a breakfast bar to be a “candy bar” and drink water instead of juice.  They have plenty of fruit, though, and while these organic pouches aren’t a drink, they are a tasty treat when chilled. (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)