Music, sweet music
I wish I could caress, caress, caress
Manic depression is a frustrating mess…

-Jimi Hendrix

So if any one’s noticed (I know my Dad has), I’ve been sticking to Contests and Meme’s on my sites lately  Contests because I adore each and every one of you and if I can get someone free shit, I will and Meme’s because I don’t have to put thought or feeling into them.

If I’m simply putting up a picture or spouting words off at random, I don’t have to focus on what’s really going on in my life.  I’m depressed as shit.

I am bipolar.  Manic-Depressive.  Friggin’ nutty.  I actually don’t hate that about me and I don’t mind sharing it (obviously).  I think it’s part of what makes me funny and quirky and I’m one of my biggest fans.  It seems these days a lot of people are being treated for the same thing, but this is the first time I’ve gone totally untreated since I can remember and I’m gonna tell you about it.

You name it, I’ve been on it. Seroquel made me gain 75 pounds and all my fair fell out.  Lithium made me feel like I was in a Nirvana video.  Before I got pregnant with Jake over 4 years ago, the doctor’s had finally found something that worked.  At least I think it did, I can’t really remember.

When I got pregnant with Jake, I was told I can’t be on those medications for obvious reasons but something about being pregnant made me okay.  Must be the body’s natural ability to balance my crazy.  Who knows.  I wrote a few months ago about the depression I had after having my second, but that’s nothing compared to what I’m going through now.

After I had my first, I nursed for a year.  Seemed all I needed was some antidepressants and I was okay.  Before I knew it, I was pregnant with Josh.  Since I had a breast reduction and lost over 5 pounds of tissue in each of the girls (from a 36I to a 36D), not a drop came out of me so I went straight to formula.

Josh is 10 months old and lately I started having bouts of anxiety and depression.  I wasn’t sleeping but there’s nothing new there.  I finally went to see my doctor and she wrote me a prescription for a medication she thinks would work for me and told me to get off those antidepressants fast.

Apparently when you’re bipolar, antidepressants boost your anxiety levels.  It also turns out the one I was put on by my OB causes restlessness and I was taking it at night with Ambien.  No wonder the Ambien didn’t work.

So I take my script to the pharmacy to find out it’s going to run me $400 a month.  Yep.  That’s more than my car payment.  I’d rather be depressed than broke and depressed, so I passed.

After calling my doc to tell her the news, she said I’m going to need a specialist (a.k.a. shrink) who may have some better ideas or deals with pharm companies to sell me the goods at a lower rate.

Only problem is that I can’t get in with ANYONE until mid-February.  According to one doctor, the current state of the economy is so bad that there aren’t enough doctors to keep up with all the depressed patients.  If I need immediate help, I have to go to an emergency room so they can charge me $500 to write me a $400 prescription.  Yay.

So that’s what’s been going on with me.  There are days I sit in the corner and cry for hours and days like yesterday where my mania had me jumping and dancing.  Good news for the Mommies helped that along, too, but I’ll tell you that tomorrow.

I am constantly at war with myself.  Inside, I’m destroyed.  I actually want to die.  The one thing that’s stopping me is my rationality.  I know that logically, that’s a bad idea.  I know it would hurt both me physically and all of you emotionally.  I’m smart enough to know right from wrong and in control of myself well enough to keep any bad thoughts at bay.

I can’t stand anything yet I love everyone.  I’m quick to anger yet seem to have no feeling at all.  About an hour ago, I burst into tears watching a Miller Lite commercial.  Man, that is some good beer.

I have no purpose or advice to give and I’m NOT looking for sympathy.  I just felt like kind of a dick for not writing a legit post lately.  While I love me some Meme’s and have TONS more awesome contests headed your way (yay), I can honestly say if it weren’t for the love and support I get from my family and my readers, I’d be in the corner crying right now.

This is where I offer you my heartfelt thanks for your constant support and friendship.  Most of you in this bloggy world have turned out to be better friends than some ‘real’ friends I’ve made over the years and I love and appreciate you all for it.  To those of you who go out of your way to make my life more stressful, piss off.

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This is the last and final challenge of the Cool Mom Guide to Fitness Forum Hunt by the Wii Fit Watch Julie’s Vlog  for the instructions for the Final Day of the Forum Hunt!

Please welcome Tsoniki from Losing My Baby Weight, as our  featured member for Fitness Friday! (It gets better. Click to continue reading…)

Today is the last day for the Tide To Go Mini Superbowl Giveaway over at the Cool Mom Guide! Contest ends 1/29/09 at 8PM EST and prize will be mailed Friday!

Have you ever been out to a nice family dinner when all of the sudden your kid takes a bite of that burger and drips ketchup all over his shirt?  Well, of course you have.  We all have been somewhere and someone has dumped something on themselves.  That’s why Tide created the Tide To Go Mini Instant Stain Remover .

This is the coolest thing ever. Gone are the days of ruined shirts and club soda fixes.  With this compact pen, small enough to fit it a purse or pocket, you simply apply the Tide To Go Mini Instant Stain Remover to the toughest fresh food and drink stains and *poof*, it’s gone!

This isn’t a product for use in existing stains, it works on the fresh spills so don’t leave this sitting in your kitchen drawer or laundry room, because it won’t do you any good there.   Keep one in the car or in your diaper bag and you’ll always be ready for those unavoidable accidents.

If you’d like to win 10 Tide To Go Mini’s for yourself, complete with a Martha Stweart Recipe box and some recipe’s for the Superbowl game, head on over to the Cool Mom Guide for the Tide To Go Mini Superbowl Giveaway.  It’s been running all week and today is the last day, so get your entries in over there now!

How the Tide To Go Mini Instant Stain Remover works

1. Remove excess residue from the stain.
2. Press the tip onto the stain several times to release some stain remover solution onto the stain.
3. Rub tip gently across the stain to remove it. When necessary, add more liquid and continue rubbing gently.
4. Important: If treated area will be exposed to direct sunlight, wipe with a damp cloth or napkin to remove excess solution left on fabric.

For tough stains, place a paper towel under the stain while treating or wipe excess liquid or residue away with a damp paper towel, or reapply as necessary

Ahh….I remember the days B.K. (Before Kids).  I wanted a child SO bad, I’d see a screaming baby in a store and feel terrible for that child.  Now, 2 kids later, I feel for the parent holding that child.  I thought I’d make my Thursday 13 about promises I made about things I would/would not do when I had kids. What was I thinking?!

1. I will never raise my voice to my child, I read that kids don’t respond to a screaming parent.
2. I’ll never tire if my child asks ‘Why?’ I’ll be so excited to impart the knowledge in him that we’ll Google the answers together.
3. I will never ignore my child
4. I’ll never let my child eat directly off a public table
5. I won’t scold my child in public
6. I’ll never lie to my child, they deserve to know the truth and I read that lying is the easy way out.
7. My child will eat better than I do.  We’re striving for 5 every day!
8. I welcome unsolicited advice. After all, they had kids so must know better, right?
9. I’d never bribe my child to leave me alone for 5 minutes, I’ll simply explain that I need some alone time and they’ll respect that.
10. My child is going to be well dressed every day.  No dirty faces, stained clothes or wearing jammies in public.
11. I will treat my children equally.
12. I can’t wait to watch all those great kid’s shows!
13. I’m sure my child will be so well behaved he won’t need to be punished, but on the rare occurrences he does. I’m sure a brief time out will be enough.

How many of you find yourself setting up a play date or blog task and completely forgetting what it is?  I spent all last week thinking it was a week before what it actually was.  I thought I had a week to promote the Wii Fit Mommies Forum Hunt, when in fact I had to actually START the Forum Hunt!

I was then introduced to Qlubb, the Mom-focused website that enables you to form your ‘Qlubb’ and share it with your family and friends.  I created the Cool Mom Guide Qlubb (naturally lol) and sent invites to my friends in the Wii Fit Mommies Forum, inviting them to join up to keep current on my website activities.  Password to join is ‘wiimoms’.

Since I run 3 blogs, I have a lot of different things happening.  I just ended a giveaway on this site, have one going on the Cool Mom Guide and am running a 5 day long Contest on the Cool Mom Guide to Fitness with the Wii Fit Mommies right now!

Next week, we’ll be announcing details for the upcoming Twitter Party on 2/13 and I’m headed to Blissdom 2/6 and want to know who’s coming with me.  All of this activity is hard to keep track of but now with Qlubb, my wonderful readers can log in and see my calendar to stay up to date on all the wonderful events and contests I have going on.

If you have a busy family schedule or blog of your own, Qlubb is the place for you.  You can start one just for your family and schedule who has soccer when and plan the family vacation, having one location for everyone to visit online to keep track of what’s going on.

You, too, can create your blog event calendar.  Invite me to join, I follow and read up on so many different blogs that I often can’t keep everything straight and would love to have a place to refer to so I know what ends (or starts) when.

Thanks so much to Team Mom for introducing me, and please join the Cool Mom Guide Qlubb to stay up to date on all my happy happenings!